CR!T!CAL STR!KE

Mortal Kombat

2011-06-06T13:14:00.001-07:00

Rated M for Mature

Story: Earthrealm is being invaded by Shao Khan, in direct violation of the rules of Mortal Kombat. Raiden has foreseen this from his former self being defeated in the future; and must now change the events of the present to prevent mankind’s eventual and most destructive end.

Gameplay: MK9 was given a bad rep from the beginning with its previous installments on the last gen consoles making things difficult (MK: Deadly Alliance, in my humble opinion, was the only good 3D one). Thankfully, Netherrealm Studios did a fantastic job with this game. The fighting isn’t confined to just the preset combos and complex fighting schemes and stances. It’s back to what made this series awesome: No sidestepping, no weapons, no throwing crap on the ground and no 3D elements whatsoever. Seriously, who in their right mind thought MK4 had it right by adding 3D? What an abomination, like Street Fighter EX. Everything is freaking fluid and fast in this game, nothing feels robotic or disconnected when it comes to combos and flow of combat. New to the fray is a super bar which can enhance special moves, activate combo breakers and utilize a character’s signature X-Ray attack which deals a massive amount of damage while looking like it freakin’ hurts. The first time you see Kitana’s x-ray attack, you can’t tell me you didn’t go “OHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!”

The inclusion of tag kombat was exceptionally well received as it did things right. Fast tags and tag specials adds that element of surprise and quick strategy that the game needed with this mechanic. It doesn’t even feel like it’s tacked on; the fights seem fit for it. Online multiplayer is the same way, though laggy in some areas and weird about King of the Hill, it’s more than welcome since MK:Armaggedon. Also, the Kombat Reels make a return with some hilarious new things (Headless Kombat, Armless Kombat, Poison, etc.) and some neat ways to fight. The challenge tower is an excellent test of gaming skill with 300 challenges set to do everything from making you laugh to making you toss the controller a la Wiimote.

Graphics: The HD revamp of one of the greatest franchises in the history of video games does not disappoint in the presentation department. Everything feels like you’re trudging through a graveyard, skies are colorfully variant from the blue skies of Edenia from the Royal Chamber to the thunderous clouds seen in the rooftop stage. Some of the iconic Mortal Kombat stages of the past have gotten revamped with new animations and background movement, new stage fatalities and a host of other nice touches. Speaking of the fatalities, the developers seem to have a thing for ripping off arms and legs; and for ripping apart torsos. Sure, there’s DLC to get classic finishers like Scorpion’s “toasty” and Sub Zero’s Spine Rip; but the fatalities in this game are more than satisfying if they aren’t frustrating to nail down for distances.

Sounds/Voice Acting: As cheesy as everything in the story mode is, you have to admit: The voice acting is okay albeit campy. It’s welcome though.

Settling the Hype? When this was announced a long time ago, I was worried. It looked slow, I wasn’t feeling the character designs and I had a salty distaste in my mouth after the other games. Then I saw that it was going back to when MK3 was freakin’ sweet; and I suddenly felt hopeful. This game not only satisfies fighting game buffs and the masses as a whole, it goes above and beyond the call of the hardcore gamers by bringing the blood and gore while also bringing back what made the games great… NO 3D BULLSHIT.

Overall: I’m glad this game happened. That’s all I can say.

RATING:

9.0/10

Sucker Punch

2011-03-25T22:25:00.001-07:00

Rated PG-13 for thematic material involving sexuality, violence and combat sequences, and for language

Abbie Cornish, Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens

Story: A depressed young girl is sent to a mental institution to be lobotomized. In the few days that she has, she hatches a plan to get out along with four other girls. Five items are the things they need to get away from their prison but they must overcome their own insecurities as much as the orderlies.'

Acting/dialogue: There won’t be that many funny one-liners or anything past inspirational garble. All of the males sound pretty bad in my humble opinion; though the women have just about the same amount of lines, many of them just thrown out there without that much feeling. Only Browning, Cornish and Malone seem to be the the only few people I could connect with on an emotional level. Seriously, Rocket would be a winner.

Visuals/CGI: The movie goes from a bland and dark to a slightly colorful setting on par with movies like Watchmen. The extra color and the changes seem to represent the vivid thoughts of the mind… or something like that. Whatever. The action sequences are very fast and frenetic, eye-gouging even. You’re not going to sleep at any time during the flick even if it’s been a long week; and half of these scenes will make little to no sense as they go on. What’s not to love about a girl in a schoolgirl outfit taking a sword to everything that moves? How about hot chicks with guns going through the trenches shooting Nazi zombies? There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with it and they are absolutely amazing.

Soundtrack: So, as much as I would like to say the soundtrack was crap… I can’t. It’s good! It works well with the action from set-up to scene end. Browning also puts up her own vocals for the opening sequence which is quite haunting for a rendition of Sweet Dreams. Also, the random mash-up of Queen’s I Want It All and We Will Rock You for one particular scene in the film just fits. It’s odd for the urban style but it works.

Oh, this is original! So, this is Zack Snyder directing something totally original… So why can’t I get behind the story? I can connect to a few of the characters, I can see how polychromatic this was when I saw the midnight release of it; and the action sequences were pretty damn ridiculous and kick-ass in every way. Unfortunately, it shouldn’t be anything past that if it fails to bring anything beyond laughable philosophy and unfounded inspiration. This isn’t an art piece, it’s babes and explosions.

Overall: So, the tagline is “You will be unprepared” and I would agree. Half the time I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I didn’t want them to open their mouth to speak considering the dialogue was so bad, the twenty minutes of Browning NOT talking was the best talking moment I’d seen since A Series of Unfortunate Events. That says a lot… the movie tries to be something more profound than it thinks it is. Needs to just stay shiny and less talky. I would have been glad if it had an R-rating because it would have been insanely better with the amount of freedom it could have had.

RATING

6.7/10

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World–The Review

2010-08-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Kieran Culkin, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh
Rated PG-13 for adult content, violence and language

Story: Scott Pilgrim, a 22 year-old bassist from Toronto, Canada is having a rough life of dating a high school Chinese girl, playing in a terrible band and living with his gay roommate Wallace Wells. Then he [literally] meets the girl of his dreams named Ramona Flowers; and upon dating her must defeat her seven evil ex-boyfriends in order to win her heart… for great justice. Based on the cult comic books by Bryan Lee O’Malley.

Acting/Dialogue: Let me get this out of the way first… you will not care about most of the dialogue. In fact, the dialogue and scene transitions are so jumpy and tightly bound to each other, you might even see a scene change as the character on-screen is talking more than five times per minute. It’s just like… a comic book. What does matter is that Michael Cera, Mr. Awkward, isn’t a one-dimensional actor anymore; his portrayal of Scott isn’t really the greatest but it works for the movie. Add to it Mary Elizabeth Winstead being a deadpan bitch, Kieran Culkin being a whore of a roommate, Brandon Routh playing a Vegan superman [ha!], Jason Schwarzman playing the great douche-machine Gideon, Chris Evans playing the silly-yet-radical Lucas Lee and Brie Lawson playing that bitch Envy Adams; and you’ve got enough star power to make it out of this movie with coins left over for the next round.

Visuals/CGI: From the 8-bit intro, you know how this movie will go. The blending of iconic 8-bit arcade sounds, zany zop-pow-thonk! pop-ups in comic book style and the scene transitions all make the movie a little less than your typical crazy awesome anime but more like a live-action mega-concert-seizure-inducing-rave fest. I did make that up, because I can’t describe all the eye candy that went into the production and the cinematography that was done to recreate the style of the source material down to the letter. From the Pee Bar to the drumstick hits, everything is meant to visually pop to the point where even a deaf man could understand the entire movie. I like how every Evil Ex battle started off with a “VS.” symbol in 16-bit lettering flying in and then after every fight when Scott wins, the baddie turns into coins. Every game homage, from the shirts to the flashy K.O.’s, that was mentioned in the comics is brought in here… everything.

Audio/SFX: Again, remember the sounds of the 8-bit ding! and the classic Sonic ring noises? Remember the original Zelda themes and the bass-line from Final Fantasy II and Song of Storms? Ever wondered what Beck sounds like with only three chords? Yeah, it’s all here. All of the comic’s iconic lines, gaming’s greatest sounds of all time (most notably, the KO sound from Street Fighter Alpha 3) and the copyright infringing renditions of video game tunes were put in here and Wright made damn sure that everything was done right. Even with the Sex Bob-Omb’s three-chord songs were done well.

Comic Correlation: Okay, so here’s where I nitpick, being a fan of the Oni Press comic. The film was finished before the end of the series was even written, so as luck would have it, O’Malley and Wright (the director) had to come up with something to finish the flick and NOT completely wreck or spoil what would be Scott Pilgrim’s Finest Hour, the last volume in the series. The ending here did just enough to satisfy; but also enough for me to ask… wha? There were a lot of liberties taken here, major changes that will NOT spoil the ending but make it just enough so the movie can end on a slightly positive note instead of an infinitely better ending from the comics which provides an assload of closure, including a completely different sword. Still, the ending was enough to satisfy and there’s nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, the film adaptation was pretty good; even joking knocking on itself in the final “level” with Comeau mentioning “the comics are always better than the film”. It’s that kind of humor and attention to detail that Edgar Wright is known for and he made sure the film was done just enough that the comic book fans would be heavily satisfied and the average movie-goer would be entertained.

Overall: The hype scared me since it just looked so damn good for something almost completely out of left field. It’s like Kick Ass, which was colorful, loud and obscenely outrageous in its own right; and it lived up to the hype but got poor reception because absolutely no one knew where the hell it came from; and now a secuel is in the works. This one has the same thing going for it; but this could make it considering the massive marketing (The game, the adult swim short, the comics being ON DISPLAY and mentioned in Kick Ass) and the amount of super-crazy action that just cannot be passed up. If you are anywhere close to a comic book geek, video game nerd or just someone with hipster style and tastes, this movie is tailored / relevant to your interests. For everyone else, screw the lack of 3D, you’re in for a crazy romance story best describe as live-action AWESOME. Insert credit, get ready… HERE WE GO.

RATING

9.5/10

Inception – The Review

2010-07-18T21:58:00.001-07:00

Leonardo DiCaprio, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Ken Watanabe, Dileep Rao, Cillian Murphy, Tom Berenger, Marion Cotillard, Pete Postlethwaite, Michael Caine, Lukas Haas
Rated PG-13 for suggestive themes, violence.

Story: Dreams aren’t even safe anymore. Cobb and Arthur are tasked with getting inside people’s minds while they sleep to extract information and plant ideas in their minds. They are hired by an energy executive to perform an inception on a rival company’s president; and must get a team together to go deep inside the crevices of the psyche to instill an idea that could change his very way of living. Doing it is one thing; doing it without complications, that’s a pipe dream.

Acting/Dialogue: You cannot deny that there is star power here. So far, DiCaprio has yet to strike out when it comes to powerful performances and he can bring it here too. Surprisingly enough, the focus isn’t just on him and his style, but rather the supporting roles who have this sort of "buddy-buddy” thing going on in each jump through the folds of the mind. Page, the Architect, makes some interesting pokes to get into Cobb’s character being the only college student in the bunch. Watanabe, the Tourist, screws the pooch early as his role suggests. Hardy, the Forger, is obviously having fun with his role even though no humor happens to come around except for one pinnacle point in the movie before the epic climax. Gordon-Levitt does a superb job of staying level-headed and being the foil of Cobb, just as an assistant should. And then there’s that bitch Catillard who just wants to bring out that emotional pull seen before from DiCaprio in Titanic; and even then that was nuts.

Visuals/Cinematography/CGI: So, let’s talk about how this movie achieves mental Cirque du Soleil literally everywhere with ease. How about those moments when everything just explodes, going from status quo to WHOA in no time. I don’t think there was a single instance where the set had to be changed, when one location just didn’t go up. The cinematography was quite good for a Nolan-directed film, not as impressive as The Dark Knight but still good. The CGI was mostly saved for all of the large/set-scale destruction where everything has to go in spectacular fashion. Fighting in a rolling hotel hallway is pretty damn cool.

Soundtrack/FX: Hans Zimmer makes an interesting soundtrack which builds upon every sequence just as he did for The Dark Knight; but that’s okay. The moments of silence makes for some great cinematic moments to come.

Mindgames: There’s a bunch of mind-melding mess that is simple yet complex. Little theory to explain everything going on and even then there’s confusion as to when you’re awake and not so much. I could also say that there is something at the end that will completely flip your shit so much it’s like a seventh season of Lost.

Overall: Everything here is pretty much The Matrix meets Ocean’s Eleven for what it’s worth. It’s simply mind-blowing, to overuse a phrase, absolutely astounding with the combination of great acting and a crazy idea with even wilder effects. The ending, hell, the last ten minutes of the film will screw you over more than Shutter Island; and the probability of “it was all a dream” is VERY HIGH. It’s pretty safe to say that this is straight up Oscar-nomination worthy.

RATING

9.5/10

Despicable Me – The Review

2010-07-10T11:51:00.001-07:00

Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Russell Brand, Kristen Wiig.
Rated PG for Suggestive Themes

Story: Dr. Gru, a nefarious villain, has hit hard times trying to fund his latest evil plot of trying to steal the moon. He’s between a rock and a hard place until three little orphan girls come into his neighborhood; and it doesn’t help that he has an archrival also attempting the same devious plot.

Acting/Dialogue: Don’t expect anything deep or super silly from Carrell when he’s playing Gru, he deadpans it most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t put him off to the side when the supporting characters are brought in, but it doesn’t make him a little more plain than the usual silliness we’re all used to from his improvisational skills and time on the Daily Show and The Office. Don’t expect that and you’re good. I didn’t expect Russell Brand to be the voice of Gru’s assistant, Dr. Nefario, which was kind-of welcome into this cast of crazies.

Most of the humor comes from the subtle dialogue and other forms of hilarity on screen, more than just what you’ve seen in the previews and commercials.

Visuals/CGI: It is a very cartoony look and feel, breaking away from anything Disney Pixar has put out in the field. It doesn’t feel second best, however, when you see it for the first time.

Surprisingly enough, the minions, little yellow big-eyed and mouthy two-foot-tall things that help the doctor from time-to-time, DIDN’T steal the show… in fact, it was the girls that did it. The contrast in size between this big bad guy (Gru) and the tiny size of the little girls (Margo, Edith and Agnes) made for a surprisingly brilliant bit of chemistry and mischief. If you don’t instantly fall for the girls, it’s understandable. The minions, however, you can’t help but love and laugh at all the time.

Audio/Soundtrack: I was surprised when I learned that Pharell Williams [N.E.R.D., The Neptunes] did the original score and soundtrack for the film; but only because this was just something that would seem better suited for someone like Danny Elfman or something goofy. The thing is, it worked so well! The opening track “Despicable Me” is quite fitting to Gru’s mantra; “The Unicorn Song” and “The Prettiest Girls” are two standouts in my opinion. Each track sounds like a hip hop lullaby or a walk through central park.

Toy Story 3? You know, I could see this becoming a show; but I highly doubt it.

So anyways, people ask if it’s better than Toy Story 3. Where Toy Story 3 shoots for nostalgia, filling and finishing, reaching out to our inner child while entertaining the new generation; Despicable Me is just shooting for the children while throwing nods to other popular flicks. You aren’t seeing something try to out-do a giant blockbuster like that; you’re getting something different and fresh, even though it’s something straight out of Dexter’s Laboratory.

Overall: It is a charming flick that doesn’t try to take too many risks, sticks to a formula but goes about the execution in a very peculiar fashion. If anything, it’s a short feature film that has a few pleasant surprises, mentions of pop culture and its own little gags that all work for it. Spot Mandark for me, will ya?

RATING

8.9/10

The Last Airbender–The Review

2010-07-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Noah Ringer, Nicola Peltz, Dev Patel, Jackson Rathbone, Aasif Mandvi, Shaun Toub, Cliff Curtis, Jessica Jade Andres
Rated PG for fantasy action and violence

Story: Aang, with the mark of the Avatar, has been chosen to learn the four disciplines of Air, Water, Earth and Fire in order to combat the forces of the powerful Fire Nation and its encroachment on world domination. With the assistance of two water benders from the Southern Water Village, Sokka and Katara, he must avoid all dangers while learning the elemental arts in sequence, eluding the pursuit of the vengeful son of the Fire Lord, the exiled Prince Zuko.

Acting: This was a very disappointing point for me as well as everyone watching the film as the actions of both Patel and Ringer seemed rushed and forced in execution, all of the dialogue seeming like a very cookie cutter copy-and-paste mess of a script. Then again, you try being the [self-proclaimed] master of the twist taking on the massively popular Nickelodeon show and condensing an entire book into a 90 minute feature film for kids audiences. Very hard to do. Then again, it isn’t hard to put another hour into the movie just to include everything about the series that made it GOOD.

That’s not to say the acting was all that bad. There were some points where it just seemed the characters were very underutilized, like there could have been more action here and exaggeration elsewhere. I just wanted a little more from the supporting roles as well as Patel for something of a anti-hero he’s supposed to be a little less brooding and a little more conflicted. Some casting was good while others, not so much… whoever had the bright idea to cast Jasper from Twilight to play a 14 year-old should have been hanged.

Here’s an idea… for the Fire Lord, instead of Cliff Curtis, why not put in Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (Mortal Kombat, Planet of the Apes, The Phantom) who would be even more intimidating and more of a dominant presence than just a side villain. And instead of Mandvi, why not have Robin Shou? Oh wait, Dev Patel’s here, that wouldn’t make sense, let’s find mediocre people to highlight him a bit.

Visuals/CGI/3D: The 3D isn’t like Avatar, so be prepared to be blown away at one distinct moment in the film but underwhelmed the rest of the time. All of the elemental effects were nice, really well done in fact. What I dug were the ties to the intricate movements of the Shaolin-inspired Bending techniques and the power of the technique was translated into the intensity of the attack. This made me happier when Aang and Zuko had their shining moments… you could clearly see the hours of training that these guys had to put into it.

The interlacing with the action at the Northern Water Temple was quite good as well. The only major part of the film you will like are the fight sequences and the large scale battles. Even the fleet of the Fire Nation looks awesome, almost on par with the approach of the Imperial Army from Star Wars.

Sound/FX: Another shining point was the music. Everything just seemed ridiculously epic in battle and calming outside of it, which made the film bearable at most points. The Blue Spirit is an excellent example of how Eastern and Western influences should blend, Eastern flutes and harps working well with the booming drums and horns of the West, something James Newton Howard is somewhat hit-and-miss with these days.

Then again, after Michael Clayton, he could do whatever.

Cartoon Correlation: Okay, so here’s where I get nasty. This was based off Book One of the series, and it had a lot to condense. From Aang’s back-story and the reason behind Zuko’s exile to the training at the Water Temple and The Kyoshi Warriors. I’m glad certain things were put in but also disappointed most things that made the series fun, like some of the humor and running gags, were left out. Aang is supposed to be someone innocent just beginning to accept his task in the first book, not immediately super-epic being from the beginning like something straight out of Dragon Ball. This completely strips the show of its fun and charm only to replace it with something completely incomprehensible and dull. The acting doesn’t help either and the things cut out were probably the better parts of the season. You will not like how this movie does things at all.

Overall: There were a lot of things changed that I didn’t like, some major character underutilization and casting choices that were questionable. Thankfully, there were two semi-big names on the bill, but hopefully the trilogy will bring more of them and their respective characters bigger and more grandiose, otherwise this things screwed since Shyamalan got his greasy and twisted palms on directing it. I wanted fun and epic, not shiny yet bland. The movie’s acting was horrid, the choreography and special effects were the only shining points; but even I can’t shine a penny into a million dollars.

RATING:

3.6/10

Toy Story 3 – The Review

2010-06-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Don Rickles, Wallace Shawn, Estelle Harris, John Ratzenberger, Ned Beatty
Rated G

Story: Andy is now 17 and off to college, his old toys have been sitting in his toy trunk for years. Now, before taking Woody off to college, the rest of the old gang is being donated to Sunnyside Daycare with a whole bunch of old donated toys with an eerie sense of community amongst toddlers. Everything isn’t so great, and it’s up to Woody to choose between life with Andy in college and saving his long-time pals.

Acting/Dialogue: I don’t know where to begin here. The big names are back to take on their iconic roles once again, Tom and Tim bringing their characters back from obscurity (it’s been almost 15 years now since the first movie, 11 from the second) and no one can forget them. I would say this would be something Oscar-winning for the entire cast, but it’s a children’s film so the dialogue is going to be simple and understandable for all ages. It’s really all in the personality of the different characters. Whether it be Ken’s charisma or Buzz’s commanding nature, it’s all charming and quite good to see nothing has changed from the original formula.

What also made another high point are the interactions between all the toys, not just the Woody/Buzz show constantly going on with the other movies. Sure there were some obvious pairings (Ken and Barbie, Mr. and mrs. Potato Head, etc.) but there were some unique buddy-buddy moments that made me smile a bit and others that made my inner child want to go running through Toys R Us just to make that happen in real life.

Visuals/CGI/3D: Okay, just so we’re clear, I’m not a fan of 3D in everything except Avatar and Meet The Robinsons. I’m also slightly impartial when it comes to animated films because of the usual plastic-style look they usually have and how goofy they can look.

That being said, I liked how Pixar took some risks here in its staple movie franchise, adding in some bold new technology and opting for 3D to get that extra depth in the already vibrant colors and more animation in the characters. And it isn’t just how the different toys looked all the time, trust me, there were a lot of toys kids beat up nearly every day of the week; it’s more of how they look AFTER kids happened. The plastic look-and-feel didn’t bother me at all, the 3D did at points, but not too much.

Hey! It’s That Toy! First off, the toys are what make the movie; but up until now the toys have simply been the ones you only see in the US. none from other countries or cartoons. Plus, there were noticeably some toys present that were missing from the completely nostalgic picture. Now that there’s another movie with an even bigger cast with some silly little things everywhere (the peas-in-the-pod and the roll-around-phone are some notables) and the addition of more plush toys as well.

Overall: I had no reservations walking into the movie with someone I cared about, because it’s that kind of movie for all ages and statuses. It was my childhood, it’s 15 years in the making, it was the right time to get Andy all grown up and pass off the plastic; and time for all of us to say goodbye. The last hurrah isn’t a half-assed effort like the Shrek movies, it was one of the most heartwarming movies I had seen all year. And in those last few minutes of the film, anyone who has been along for the ride will be screaming not to get off, even with Buzz and Woody out of the box… and before I spoil anything in regards to the end, no they DON’T START TALKING TO ANDY. And now, you’ll just have to watch.

RATING

9.7/10

Prince of Persia – The Review

2010-05-28T07:00:00.000-07:00

Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley
Rated PG-13 for violence and intense action

Story: Prince Dastan, of simple blood without nobility anywhere in his family line, has been tasked with his brothers to secure a temple in a nearby territory. He finds a dagger with the ability to turn back time from up to one minute, thereby granting him ultimate power. His father is mysteriously murdered and he has to find the man who killed him and save his kingdom from its eventual self-destruction.

Acting/Dialogue: So, the story synopsis above was all I could think of, admittedly. That is also what could describe the acting by Gyllenhaal, which was probably not as great as the movie as a whole. Think of Super Mario Bros in terms of casting: Everyone is a predominantly white character or someone that is nowhere near Persian or even given that amount of makeup. Plus, who still casts Ben Kingsley as a villain? REALLY. WHO? EVERYONE. Granted there are some casting calls that seemed good and it could have been worse (Molina? Really?), but we still have some entertainment without witty dialogue or that much humor, right?

Visuals/CGI: Okay, I’ll admit that the film did look very cool for a remake of a gaming classic. The parkour elements are what caught my eye, mostly because every movement was fluid and kept itself tame enough for the actual skill of the Prince in the video game franchise rather than flips and jumps all over the place and everywhere else.

I also dig how each locale and warehouse-size set can easily fall apart, the major destructive moment seen in the previews being even more epic for an entire two minutes of great action. The additional elements with the sand, mostly all of the effects when activating the dagger and running through the sands, were good as well. No major beef there.

Game Correlation: You’re going to notice some things that will disappoint you, greatly.

For one, the wardrobe. It’s a nice homage to Prince of Persia: Warrior Within, the most recent Prince of Persia game and the very first one. Don’t get me wrong, it is not a bad thing. Every part of the costume, including the glove, from the cel-shaded game is there; and the progression to it is quite nice. Also, most of the action is basically there; but not much else. The story is muddled and the fights are camera-cutaways and cinematic clusterf*cks.

Overall: The film does what it’s supposed to do; and that is tell a story about a young prince, a princess in trouble and a dagger that can control time. i’m just glad there wasn’t a game based on the movie… based on the game… because I have a feeling it would be just as underwhelming as before.

RATING:

5.5/10

Iron Man 2 – The Review

2010-05-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence, and some language.
Robert Downey, Don Cheadle, Gwyneth Paltrow, Scarlett Johansson, Mickey Rourke,Sam Rockwell, Garry Shandling, Samuel L. Jackson

Story: Tony Stark, the Iron Man, is under the eyes of America, the world at large, as a weapon of mass destruction and great hope. He has “successfully privatized world peace” and now everyone else wants a piece of the action. His weapon is now a commodity that everyone wants to make, including the flappable Justin Hammer. This is the sequel to the first Iron Man.

Acting/Dialogue: So I bet you’re wondering, what’s different? Well, for starters, Mickey Rourke. I didn’t believe him as a Russian man, especially when he talked. I was glad, however, when he wasn’t talking but kicking major ass as the relentless Ivan Vanko/Whiplash. Also, the change from Howard to Don Cheadle… which seems alarming, at first; but in actuality it made for a much more believable Rhodes. I liked Cheadle, I didn’t like when he was being a jackass (since he still has that elitist tone, being an Oscar owner and all…) but really it didn’t deter too much from the character. Johansson was a nice addition for eye candy and “surprise-wop-bang!” for a devil’s advocate-type character. Rockwell didn’t seem to do enough for his chaotic neutral character that should have been more push and pound rather than a lackey weapons developer; but otherwise he did a bang-up job being himself on-screen, going back to his early days in Charlie’s Angels as a bad guy.

Of course, Downey Jr. and Paltrow did a hell of a job for the better part of the film. I still don’t see why Jackson just randomly appeared in the second portion of the film, but it was a good decision. The inclusion of Garry Shandling was good for the comedic aspect of the film, also the better part of the news segments were pretty funny; and Jon Favreau himself in the film was a bit of a surprise for how much he was involved. Is he a director or an actor? He should decide, quick.

One thing that bugged me: The commercial’s “jump” from the plane. It’s different in the regular film. Check that IMAX, yo. Also, there were some very good lines of dialogue and some extremely HORRIBLE one-liners.

Visuals/CGI: The first Iron Man gave us an introduction to JARVIS and some pretty nifty Visual Interface effects. That being said, half of the original Iron Man was that, this iteration gave more focus to the suits and computer screens than VI’s. It still looked pretty, don’t get me wrong. I liked all the special effects, mostly the electric whip effects and the suit servo dynamics… the miniature parts in the actual Mark III suit moving. I only wish, however, that it would have shown in the last battle which would have been even bigger. Still, it’s an amazing light show, almost on par with Michael Bay-esque explosions and everything.

Sound/FX: Clink, clank! It’s cast iron and titanium, with a little Palladium in-between. The soundtrack is a mix of hard-rock and old-school with throwbacks here and there amongst the orchestrated madness that seemed quite absent most of the time. I wanted something a little more epic in terms of musical selection for some of the great fight sequences and chases, but I wasn’t disappointed.

By the way, make sure you get a good listen of Justin Hammer’s “theme” during the last few bits of the film.

Sequel Syndrome/Comic Correlation: Iron Man was hard to improve upon. You had an even amount of comedy, badassery, fan service and Terrence Howard with a dash of Samuel L. Jackson to cap off one of the better Marvel Franchise movies of the year. Now you’ve got this trying to build on the framework of the original with some new material and introduction of the old funny business (the robot, Phyllis, Stark’s “always irrelevant” side-speech patterns, narcissism) with the new hotness. Essentially, the Iron Man got a few upgrades, but not enough to really blow us out of the stratosphere again. Still, it stayed to canon, poked fun at other heroes and ran with it. Very funny.

Overall: This made me laugh, this made me stand and clap, this movie gave the fans what they wanted and then some… but it still had some lacking areas which are more like mere nitpicks and WTFs than actual grievances. The last fight scene could have been a little more epic like its predecessor, but the jokes were still spot on. It’s an enjoyable flick for any comic book fan and nods/disses to other franchises. This is a cocktail made by Tony, but not too dirty for us. Also, stay after the credits. Be blown away… again.

The movie was solid… but it wasn’t enough of a fresh taste of awesome as the first.

RATING:

7.6/10

Kick-Ass – The Review

2010-04-16T02:24:00.001-07:00

Rated R for strong brutal violence throughout, pervasive language, sexual content, nudity and some drug use
Aaron Johnson, Nicolas Cage, Chloe Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Mark Strong

Story: What really makes a superhero? Is it super powers? Is it his deeds? Is it the suit? NO. Comic book geek and local loser Dave Lizewski orders a costume off the internet and goes on two simple heroic runs… while getting beat up to the point of metal plates and bad nerves. After exposure on the internet, he becomes an inspiration for other heroes to come out of the woodwork; but these heroes are dangerous and for real.

Acting/Dialogue: You have a guy in a wetsuit getting his ass kicked, a rich kid with a pimped-out Mist-Mobile, and a Batman and Robin combo sharing automatics. You have Kick-Ass.

Fair warning: there’s going to be kids swearing, raunchy dialogue and some corny lines from Nicholas Cage. That’s what makes this movie halfway memorable from its jokes and crude yet dark humor. Johnson makes a good nerd, this being his first time on American silver screens, but his character sits on the sidelines once Moretz and Cage hit the screen hard. I never thought I would laugh so much at Cage imitating a cross between Mr. Rogers and Adam West while interacting with the others in one scene; then watch him completely liquidate a wharehouse with bad guys in a most awesome scene of badassery. That still has nothing on the action sequences involving Hit Girl/Moretz with almost everything going from cute to mass homicide in no-time flat. Everything is campy and comic-book and no one should care. Hell, this is the only time I think Cage has been ridiculously twisted/funny since… since… ever! McLovin Mintz-Plasse still can’t shake that awkwardness of his breakthrough role from Superbad even while he’s trying to be heroic if not villainous as Red Mist; but it’s still funny to see him still acting. Strong still makes a convincing mob boss/all-around bad guy, he gets better throughout the film’s length. An all around good supporting cast makes this bunch of vigilantes and villains believeable… but come on, who kills kids, huh?

Visuals/CGI: You’ve got to wonder how those people really sleep at night with every hero being so brightly colored in their costumes and everyone else is just so plain. The comic-style drawings in the McCraedy household was a nice touch, even the explanation of the backstory of Big Daddy/Hit Girl looked nice. The other added effects just tack on to the already over-the-top pyrometrics and blood spatter everywhere… but that’s not a bad thing at all! It’s highly encouraged! I wanted more! There was so much on screen that was going on, half the time I couldn’t keep up.

I will say that this is about as objectionable at times as watching scenes from the Holocaust. Seeing an 11 year-old girl wipe out some dozen guys down a hallway is one thing, watching a little girl get slammed through a desk is a little bit past O-M-FUBAR. In fact, there’s a lot of objectionable material here. It gets it’s R rating, that’s for damn sure.

Audio/FX: Would you like some Dark Knight with that Spider-man? You’ve got Joan Jett and The Hives on the trailer, but also have Marius De Vries with his own original score, including a track that pays homage to the Dark Knight’s “Why So Serious”. Was I the only one that caught that?

Comic Book Correlation: Sure there’s supposed to be some correlation there but sometimes it seems that Vaughn was confused of how to structure the movie. One minute it’s an ass-kicking, the next it’s kicking ass. Oh, and someone gets owned royally. There are some nods to pretty awesome things that I liked, but some things that were either under-utilized or underdeveloped.

In the comics, there is a completely different ending which would have made less sense to the audience but, to the comic book fans, would be correct. Fortunately, the turn it takes which is about 3/4ths through the flick, makes the film better. What matters is the sickening violence, which is still intact. The changes made things come together in movie form. I would say this film kept the main parts from the comic while the subtle things (Eddie Lomas’s ex-girlfriend Lucille, Katie’s new boyfriend, the REAL torture sequence which was less bloody than the film’s version) were left out. Maybe it’ll turn up in the deleted scenes of the Blu-Ray.

Overall: This movie kicks ass. It is unapologetic, raw, wrong at all the right times. There are some truly amazing cinematic moments and parts where you should avert your eyes if you’re some kind of upstanding citizen with ultraconservative values. If not, then everything in this movie from the little girl who is invincible to the geeks living out their comic book dreams/nightmares is just for you. Just don’t expect it to be some kind of Iron Man 1.5 or anything like that; you’re getting something completely off the wall and nuts. Besides, Iron Man 2 is PG-13. This is a comic book movie that is rated R and not an artistic piece by any means, the characters aren’t iconic like Watchmen, but you will never underestimate the little girl in the schoolgirl outfit pocketing a silenced beretta in her backpack. Tool up.

RATING:

8.3/10

Final Fantasy XIII – The Review

2010-03-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

Rated T for Teen

Story: Two worlds, the spherical world of Cocoon and the savage underworld of Pulse, are at war with each other. God-like fal’Cie watch over the humans, branding them l’Cie when the time comes; and task them with a specific Focus that they must complete or they become extremely grotesque Cie’th monsters when they fail. Six distinct personalities come together all tasked with a plan: Take down the world above or be forced to a fate worse than death.

Gameplay/Controls: Rather than go into the intricacies of the HUD and the battle system, I’m going to put up something quick here: Active Time Battle system, heavy HUD, AI partners instead of full team micromanagement, slimmed down character progression.

Now let’s get deeper. The first 15-20 hours are extremely linear and restrictive, almost completely on-rails with an overlord sort of watching… essentially the first four are about as bad as the tutorial from Kingdom Hearts II; and the rest is slowly fixing out the kinks in your parties. Your characters are set, team leader being the only one you can control; and you’re going through the “towns” very quickly. I say “towns” because it’s essentially one long thing you’re passing through with very few side-paths to go on, a major departure from where the Final Fantasy series had extremely interactive locales. Shops and upgrade stations are littered throughout each space along with visible enemies and all your partners are on-screen at the same time.

The active time battle system makes a well-deserved return after a few years, but you can only control your lead character while the other two are controlled by AI. You can set some roles like “Commando”, “Synergist” and “Ravager” but it’s essentially healer, bomber, striker, support specialist, white and black mage for all those who know. The gauge starts with three bars, growing more with the character; and single commands take up one bar, special commands taking more than one or the full gauge. At any time, a character can utilize a Paradigm Shift, essentially changing their role in battle; and it seems simple at first but surprisingly enough it makes battles more exciting and complex. There’s also a combo meter which adds on extra damage the more it fills, getting up to as high as 999% (I got that high through my play-through and NOT doing any extra battles). Summoning is another thing: Similar to FFXII’s Espers, you have the Eidolons that can support you in battle as long as you continue chains; but they can also change into vehicles that you can ride in a form called Gestalt Mode, which allows for more devastation on the virtual playing field.

Visuals:There were times when I was running through a city and I had no idea that I was walking into a cutscene and then straight into a boss fight. The seamless transition just works. Expect the same deal from Advent Children Complete with spiked hair mechanics, elaborate costumes and gorgeous environments (especially the world of Gran Pulse).

Of course, pixel pushers are going to go ape over the differences in the two versions. The 360 version runs off multiple discs and looks like a scaled-down port of the visually superior PS3 version… which looks absolutely fantastic at 1080p.

Audio/Dialogue: The soundtrack has a mix of orchestrated material bordering on the edge of moving and epic score by Masashi Hamazau; to jazzy and smooth for some elements. My favorite track on the original soundtrack is a tie between Pulse de Chocobo (the obligatory Chocobo remix song) and Nautilus. Leona Lewis also provides a pretty okay song as well.

The voice work is well-done; but sometimes I wanted to hit the mute button when people kept whining about problems. Still it does add a good bit of personality to the characters, some being notably cliché in speech but all around memorable by the game’s end… though the personalities get annoying after a while. Lightning is your Cloud/Squall bastardization, Snow is a hard-headed brawler, Hope is emo over his mother, Sazh is emo over his son; and Fang and Vanille need not speak too much, especially Vanille. I couldn’t tell if her voice actor had a cold or not during most of the recording.

60 Hours. Okay, I know what you’re thinking: This game ISN’T Final Fantasy XII. In fact, it goes in the opposing direction of XII by cutting everything that could have made the game more epic but were all production cuts that had to be me. Still, the linearity and roundabout story might turn off some for the first 15 hours that the game makes you do certain things with certain party members… but after that [arguably] first third of the game, everything just WORKS. Restrictions removed, power fully given to the player, all characters brought up to speed and united in a common goal… and the game is wonderful after that insane amount of tedium. There’s a challenge right before you go down into the savage and lush world of Pulse after going through the beautiful yet constrained overworld of Cocoon.

Overall: I got through it in roughly 58 hours on the 360 version. There is a quality game available here for those who are willing to give it a chance, the story is pretty straightforward and opens like Final Fantasy VII… a train gets jacked, fight ensues, crazy character that’s an ex-soldier beats people up; and that’s just the beginning. If you can deal with going back to the days when you had your hand held while on rails for nearly 20 hours, then you’ll be rewarded with an absolutely fantastic voyage. There’s a little religion here and there, some stabs at a church or two, a love story, a coup d'état and an uprising all packed into nearly 60+ hours of game. Endurance required and well-rewarded; and now you can flame this review for the rating I’m about to give it…

RATING:

8.0/10

Alice in Wonderland – The Review

2010-03-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Matt Lucas
Rated PG

Story: Alice Kingsley is bored with life as it is and how it’s planned… and then comes that little white rabbit. Curious, she falls down a rabbit hole into a world of wonderment, at least it WAS before the Red Queen came around and mucked things up in Underland. Based on the novel Through the Looking Glass and Sci-Fi’s recent Alice.

Plot: Alright, this part won’t matter too much to some, but it’s fairly straightforward. Come on, it’s a PG flick, so it has to be straightforward and to the point, not as convoluted and deep as the original novel… wow that was hard to write without a BS meter breaking.

Acting: You’ll be happy to know that there is a good bit of Wasikowska/Depp/Bonham Carter screen-time and they clearly bring their eccentric personalities out there if they are bloody understandable. Still, they make the film enjoyable if not bearable during those long-winded personal sequences and also contributes to the overall “hey I’m tripping out” aspect of the film. Seriously, that little end bit by Depp is pretty underwhelming to some people who aren’t familiar with anything other than Pirates of the Caribbean, but still worth everything you’ve just sat through.

Some people were hard of hearing at times. I also wouldn’t have minded a larger jabberwocky and something along the lines of epic instead of “good enough”.

Visuals/CGI/3D: Alright, I’m making this comparison of the 3D and visuals to that of Avatar and Meet The Robinsons, two great examples of how to do 3D right, the first being the way to blow everyone’s minds and the other just right for everyone.

Visually, the world of Underland looks quirky and dark, every character is odd-shaped and unique in design. Even the fall-apart makeup on the Red Queen’s lackeys looked above average if not funny, a nice touch to show that not everything needs interlacing graphics. The 3D, however, was somewhat lacking in some spots, very nice in others. I wasn’t blown away like I was with Avatar and I was in the IMAX experience. One thumb up for trying; and a Zangief thumb-side for trying as well.

Alice in Underland? I’m not saying go into this film like you were watching the original Alice in Wonderland with the usual influences… because really, it won’t help here. You won’t suddenly realize this is an acid trip like Disney made it once before, this is Tim Burton’s baby you know. If it were PG-13, one could only imagine how much better this story could be told and how awesome it could have been; and maybe if Disney didn’t have it, it would be even bigger and more grandiose… but Disney had the rights, and Disney is a monster that used to be the cuddly kitten that used to do silly things we used to love.

Overall: I liked that this wasn’t instantly amazing only because of Tim Burton directing it. Tim Burton plus Disney should have been a match made in heaven… but alas it wasn’t an animated cult classic or an Edward Scissorhands where he would have had plenty of breathing room and praise. Unfortunately, with things added in at the last minute like Disney 3D and some minor changes, I was left underwhelmed even with the good bits all around and that great casting. I wanted them to try harder in the acting department, stop spotlighting the stars a bit to let another one shine a bit… and for crying out loud, I’ve had it with everyone saying Tim Burton is a genius. He’s everybody’s director now, no longer that dark and weird guy that few people knew about until The Nightmare Before Christmas and teaming up with Depp for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. That’s how Hot Topic got started.

RATING:

6.8/10

Heavy Rain – The Review

2010-02-26T02:40:00.000-08:00

Rated M for Mature

Story: The Origami Killer, a methodical serial killer made famous by the origami dolls left at each crime scene, is being hunted by the police and the FBI. Ethan Mars’s kid has been kidnapped and the latest victim of the killer; and he must do whatever it takes to get his son back… even if it means sacrificing himself in the process.

Gameplay: Consider this first… you’re playing a game and you suddenly watch a cutscene but it gives you a command a la Resident Evil 4. You press buttons when they flash at the bottom of the screen, the game progresses, you move on. This is essentially the brunt of the entire “game” as you go through nearly 50 sequences of quick-time events. You’re essentially going through a [very] interactive drama full of intrigue, betrayal, bewilderment and suspense; and the quick button presses aren’t all that obtrusive to the general gameplay. Throughout the controlling portions for the game’s four protagonists, you can listen to their thoughts by holding L2 and pressing any face button floating around their head; and use the right stick for the majority of some actions. The way a button is pressed and stick movement is also a factor in how a person moves or interacts with certain objects. The interface is very minimalistic… no life bars, no HUD, no indicators except for the buttons themselves. They pop up quickly and right where you’ll need them on screen, drawing focus to a certain point on a character which they’re about to use for an action. You may have to hold or repeatedly press buttons, or slowly move the right stick; and it won’t just flash on the screen interrupting the tension or killing the view for anyone watching the movie… err, game.

Now think about the decisions you make in a game, like saving this person, killing them or letting that person die. Unlike games like Mass Effect and Indigo Prophecy, you can’t just go back into a saved game and rectify your mistake. The game just goes on, no game over/continue screens; and you can’t change what you’ve done. Even the smallest thing can have a major impact in the end… for example, in one scene you’re playing as Ethan and in a park with your kid. The kid is kidnapped and you have to file a police report, you have to remember what the kid was wearing; and it makes an impression in the end. There will be parts where you will have to make some very tough, if not cruel, decisions in order to complete your objective and move the story in your favor.

Graphics: You know, this game looks ridiculously good. I’m going to say this again… ridiculously good. Facial expressions are perfect, body movement is mostly natural (there are moment that just seem… weird), the motion capturing for everything seems spot-on. All of the polish put on this game deserves an award for making it look like a CGI movie made famous by Square-Enix games; and yet it is all done with real-time graphics. We’ve seen this before in epic stories like the Metal Gear Solid series where gameplay seamlessly moves into cinematic without any sort of loading time at all. I won’t say it’s the same here since there are loading screens (with the characters faces up close just to show off the amount of painstaking detail put into each and every one of them); but there are some moments where I was extremely impressed that the hardware was actually able to keep up with everything on-screen that was happening.

Audio/Dialogue: I can’t really say that the voice acting is terrible, it’s on par with any movie. There were very few moments when I couldn’t understand people and when the music just killed if for me in some instances, as moody as the game plays itself to be. The characters’ themes blend into each other after a while.

There will be some cliché lines thrown out there, but that’s to be expected from, well, a game produced by a western studio.

Rent or Buy the Blu-Ray? The game aspect is being changed here. There is little game and more of entertainment and art being shown here. You’ve got friends that like crime and cop dramas? Got a girlfriend who likes a good movie that lasts at least 6 hours with guaranteed alternate endings? Got a pizza and a day to kill? If you answered yes to two of these, rent. If you answered yes to all of these, you’re lying. You’re waiting on the DLC to start showing up in the store so you can play more of it in an hour’s time.

Overall: Playstation games have a different kind of polish from 360 games, we know this. Everything is smoother, more like art in a sense. This is what this game is trying to prove: Some games are made by artists, David Cage is not an artist by any means but damn well tried; and this silly yet brilliantly-executed interactive drama/suspense game is well-polished. If only it had more endings and some… faster pacing, even though I can’t complain with the pacing it had, then maybe it would appeal to more gamers. I want to make this perfectly clear: This won’t appeal to everyone, especially people who are used to first-person shooters and third-person platformer adventures where you have direct control of whoever is on screen all the time; you’re playing something directed by the story you make from your decisions and twitch reflexes. Get ready for something enlightening if not completely different from what you’re used to playing.

RATING:

8.1/10

No More Heroes: Desperate Struggle – The Review

2010-01-26T19:02:00.001-08:00

Rated M for Mature

Story: Your video store friend, Bishop, has been assassinated. Sylvia has betrayed you two years ago and has invited you back into the United Assassin Association after being on a two year hiatus. You’re pissed off. You are Travis Touchdown, the most badass otaku of Santa Destroy; and it’s go time.

Gameplay: You know how the first game was this crazy frenetic slash-fest covered in puddles of blood from spraying out of the limbs of your defeated, light-cut foes? Think of that and raise it up PAST eleven. It is extremely fun to play this game again even though it’s essentially the same premise of enter room, hack up enemies, repeat until boss. Everyone’s AI is still somewhat crappy, the differences apparent when you’re cutting up a stupid stumbling gunman or a formidable bat-wielding bastard. The bosses (and trust me, there are many zany bosses), are very challenging and each of the fights are the highlight of the shortened levels. It’s like Suda51 knew the levels were too large, so there’s basically 3-4 rooms (literally 30-minutes tops) and then a boss fight. Nice, but I don’t like how rushed I am.
Another real difference are the side-jobs and training missions. As much as they were disappointing in the real game, they are now all in 2D (including the Pure White Glastonberry shooter from before, now with more levels). Sure you can grind these for cash and bonuses to stats, but there are still other mission that actually tie to the story (whereas the previous extra missions were always some ridiculous corporate assassination). Also, Jeane the cat makes a return; and she’s gotten fat so there’s going to be minigames for her as well.
Adding to the roster of playable characters are Shinobu and Henry [Touchdown?], both who have something to do with the story in a big way; but I’m staying mum about it.

Control: Don’t expect any motionplus improvement here. You won’t be seeing any changes to the original control scheme, however you’ll notice that you can use the classic controller for the game. The classic control scheme and single remote work for the minigames as well (and you’d have to give SUda51 credit for at least realizing a control scheme as simple as that for a 2D 8-bit game).

Travis still handles the same way but now has extra sets of beam katanas: One large one that sacrifices speed for extra whacking power and a set of two beam sabers that can deal damage fast.
Shinobu only has her sword, fighting similar to Travis; but she can jump over enemies. Henry, while only used in certain zones, can dash into enemies and bosses.

Graphics: Gone is the muddy dribble of Santa Destroy from before, now you see more of the same but much brighter if not more vivid. The exclusion of a wasted open-world makes sense… why waste time going around a city looking for things to do? The city is out and replaced with a nice menu; and it’s probably the greatest streamline from the previous game. The cel-shaded look is still in, everyone looks GOOD.

As for the 2D minigames, they are 8-bit. Throwbacks to the old days when games were fun (including an obvious homage to OutRun) are GOOD too.

Audio/Dialogue: Somehow I figured things wouldn’t be making that much for change but… I think Suda took from Sega’s recent F-bomb policy: More is F***ing BETTER. That being said, everyone’s personalities shine in the dialogue, no matter how fruity or fanatical they may be. When someone confesses their love to you before they’re about to cut your head off and constantly spouting “don’t f*** with me”, you wonder how the rest of the game plays out. The first game was quite liberal with the word, the opening line from Travis was “f***head!”

Sequel or set-up? Remember how I said this game was rated M for mature? Yeah, the last game was pretty liberal about the violence, language and crude humor. Take it even further here with the darker storyline of vengeance and punishment, more insanity and added characters to the madness. Sure there’s little cutesy moments with a cat, but that’s about it. Otherwise, you’re in a much bigger garden of madness. Trust my force on this. Goichi Suda listened to his fans for everything that needed to be changed, also giving them the finger in doing so; but he still managed to crap out something even more awesome than before while using the same noodles with added spices… if you dig that.

Overall: Wii owners need to know what a mature game is like. Sure they have House of the Dead: Overkill, MadWorld and Resident Evil franchises to do whatever they can do to bring a legitimate mature game to the system. Please welcome NMH:DS to your Wii today; the hardcore gamers looking for a fulfilling if not hilariously crazy game they’ve [probably] missed before, give it a go. For anyone who really wants to know why this is a major sequel for their buck, grab the original No More Heroes and play through that for six hours; then go and pick up this game to go through more assassins, droves of enemies to slice apart and plenty of M-rated goodness to make little kids cry. Have your ID ready.

RATING:

8.7/10

Bayonetta – The Review

2010-01-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

Rated M for Language, Violence, Gore, Crude Humor

Story: Witches. They exist. The Umbran witches have been wiped out except for one of impure blood. Now there’s someone out there hunting angels and demons [haha!] in order to stay out of hell and who knows what else.

Plot: At this point, I’m going to just say the plot does not matter. At all. You won’t be paying attention to it most of the time while you’re shooting everything in sight and beating up heavenly beings sent out to make trouble. What does shine is the script which is both crude yet funny with the magic F-bombs thrown in. Add to that some annoying cliches and it’s all kinds of humorous, just nothing really special.

I mean come on: You’re a witch with “hair magic” wearing a hairy catsuit and you’re shooting guns from your boots! If that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is!

Gameplay: First time playthroughs, like in Devil May Cry, are usually the ones that are the hardest; and with the ever-building play mechanics that seem to pile on while going through the game’s 9-hour play you’ll be punished… a lot. The learning curve gets pretty rough as the action heats up, everything governed by timing in preset combos, weapon set swapping on the fly and some double jumping. New to the old formula is dodging with close timing, exact timing being rewarded with “witch time” that allows more attacks and slowed enemy movement; hair finishers which can do a good deal of damage when done at the end of a combo, even bullet combo linkers where you can shoot out of any move for chipping damage; and torture attacks (attacks that deal massive damage to an enemy)… it gets hard to keep up. Add on the sub-techniques that can be bought from the Gates of Hell, the game’s shop, and it gets complicated very quickly. Still, the game’s grading system from stone to pure platinum, will make perfectionist players from DMC feel right at home.

And this is what keeps the game fun after a full playthrough and a huge challenge for those who want nothing less than pure platinum levels and all the treasures in the game, providing real challenges for each one. Although, by some horrible and cruel control fiasco, one simple addition to the game’s brilliant if not borrowed control scheme makes things frustrating if not infinitely harder to rack up a good score, especially in Infinite Climax mode. More challenge or control flub?

One other niggling thing for the PS3 version only: The load times are unbearable at points, and there is no install option present.

Visuals: Something expected from a game like this would be mind-blowing graphics; but not so much here. Sure everything looks pretty and the characters aren’t all grey-haired buffed-up badasses in buckled-up trenchcoats flopping in the wind. No, they’re characters with wacky personalities, similar to the Four Devas from God Hand. The characters designs are slightly 50’s but the enemy design looks like something out of… Devil May Cry. The film/cinema reel look adds to the old style with a slightly hip feel.

What’s most prominent is the amount of sexuality seen on screen. From the moment you summon your first demon to the last moment before hitting an enemy with a hair finisher, you’ll notice that you’re kinda… well… you’re stripping down to skin in no-time flat. It’s a given since your costume is made from your own hair, but all that hair has to go somewhere when attacking with it.

Audio: Ken Rondoh made something apparent with this game that was shared with Devil May Cry. You’ve got religious undertones here, so let’s make some angelic hymns and compose some orchestral tracks… and then for the main character and supporting roles, we’re gonna add some jazz. Somehow this works, thanks to Masami Ueda behind the music for those specific tracks which include a mix of Fly Me To the Moon which is quite good. Oh, and did I mention most of the characters drop F-bombs? Yeah.

Devil’s Advocate? I know what you’re thinking. It’s essentially a female version of Devil May Cry with subtle differences here and there, even small takes from God of War with the addition of the torture attacks. Character rivalries, gigantic boss battles, over-the-top action, upgrades and weapon-swapping… there’s nothing particularly separating Bayonetta from all the others; but the difference is the character development is apparent, the script is witty, the action is fast and frenetic without letting up for a moment. Homages to earlier games like After Burner and Space Harrier are also nice.

Overall: Famitsu gave this game a 40/40. People are saying this game is beyond awesome even though it doesn’t do the DMC aesthetic very differently… it does it RIGHT. Everything about this game is fun even with it's plot that is better off nonexistent. With a good script, great action, a steep difficulty curve at some points and a most satisfying climax, Bayonetta is a breath of fresh air for the action genre and a great way to open the new decade; but just remember, it’s just as much of a witch-hunting wet dream as the writers behind the story.

RATING
9.4/10

Ninja Assassin – The Review

2009-11-25T22:07:00.001-08:00

Rated R for extreme violence, adult language, adult content and ninjas.
Rain, Naomi Harris, Rick Yune, Ben Miles

Story: Raizo is a ninja. After years of training under the elite Ozuno Clan of ninja, he goes rogue and links up with Europol to take down his own clan, wiping them outright.

Acting/Dialogue: Nothing is good in acting when it’s an action movie. You know this, I know this. Fortunately, there isn’t really a need for acting here; not even speaking. Though, the opening line of “Fucking fuck, man!” is just about the only bit of humor you’ll get. The pacing is here-and-there bad, but the lead-ins to the action sequences are more than welcome to a cut-and-paste plot.

Visual/CGI: This is an effect circus, in which you see ninjas literally bleeding into the scenery out of the shadows, throwing stars and CG-scythes whizzing through the air on shadow paths, ninjas getting cut apart and decapitated, gallons upon gallons of blood… and rain. Not the Korean pop star, just the actual rain. Rain, doing most of his own stunts, shows off his free running and martial arts skills in every action sequence, taking the center stage amongst the massive gore-fest seen even less in even the Saw franchise, only prettier with the added polish of chrome and computer-generated steel ripping through ninjas in the shadows. There is, more or less, an homage to the Cyborg Ninja from Metal Gear Solid, especially with one scene in a familiar hallway with dead soldiers on the ground and shouting and shooting all-around… now if only there was a little more light.

Audio/FX: This had to be the creepiest part of the movie and yet the most annoying. Everything was on point and there was no need for dubbing… but the shadowy figures in the night should never have the ability to whisper. That’s NOT ninja. That’s ghostly. It’s better when you can’t hear them.

Ninjas? Yeah. Ninja. There are so many things I can say about the exposition of the movie and the training segments for Rain; but I can’t get into all of those points. From the crazy scythe-work to the handstand-atomic-pushups-on-a-bed-of-nails, things seem almost impossibly realistic. You would think they would train with glowsticks, but the actual weapons were used for the training segments. Dual ninjato, scythe and throwing stars are the key ninja weapons; though there wasn’t enough of everything else (kunai, sai, bo staff, etc.); but that’s alright. Three weapons makes for at least 100 ninja killings… which will be seen in this film.

Overall: I felt like the exposition was necessary yet horribly paced for the movie’s short time-span, though the action parts are what truly shine in the film. It was a Wachowski Brothers’ produced piece, so it’s expected to be all flashy-and-dashy, but absolutely silly with the plot. If only the lights were on, we’d see something absolutely perfect; but the lights are out but the ninjas hide in the shadows whispering, “watch this…”

RATING:
8.1/10

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – The Review

2009-10-12T17:00:00.001-07:00

Rated M for Mature by the ESRB

Story: You’re Nathan Drake (Again) and you’ve been given a dagger that just starts the adventure back into a den of thieves reminiscent of your more-than-shady past to discover the truth behind the lost fleet of Marco Polo and find the hidden Himalayan Valley of Shambhala… and loot everything in it.

Gameplay: Remember how good Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune looked? Well, imagine a good year of programming, the Naughty Dog Engine 2.0 made exclusively for the PS3 (that same engine that includes ZERO visible loading), brand new traversal gunplay mechanics and a SHITLOAD of multiplayer options and cinematic presentation… and you have this game. The control format is still the same, but the way the controls are used is innovative if not inventive for the developer’s sophomore outing. Every move you make is fluid, every step isn’t hindered by invisible path lines (except in certain areas of the village you’ll go through), gunplay and melee fighting isn’t completely restricted or ridiculous a la Gears of War; and everything just seems to work. The only niggling I have is with the enemies themselves… some are dumb, others are too brilliant to be in this game without some red aura around them.

The game was made to impress on the eyes and challenge the mind, bringing about every GOOD thing about Tomb Raider in terms of exploration and free climbing. From before, the free climbing has been expanded, adapted for buildings and signs to ice walls and temple bricks; and the puzzles are even more of a challenge but not too much on the player as Drake tends to talk most of the time, which is still welcome.

Graphics: As mentioned before, the Engine 2.0 makes everything beyond beautiful from the waterfalls of Shambhala to the destroyed streets in the city, character animations and facial expressions are just as good as before if not better here; and there weren’t any hiccups here and there, something I expected even in a highly-anticipated game like this. Add to that wonderful weather effects, advanced water ripple physics, lighting and shadows, ambient occlusion and some nifty ways to pack in the polygons and you’ve got something that could easily be mistaken for movie magic.

Audio: Drake talks too much, more than three times the amount of the other [new] characters in the game’s story, but it’s a good thing as everything moves along with his dialogue and he cues many events such as gunfights, puzzle hints, etc. The ambient noise is crystal clear and the music is as epic as it was before, though not so much for…

Multiplayer/Co-Op: This is the somewhat HUGE addition to the franchise putting its spin on nearly everything. Plunder = Capture the flag with one flag, Chain Reaction = King of the Hill in order, Deathmatch… death match. Ten modes of play, seven maps (with more on the way via DLC), 5v5, 4v4, 3v3 multiplayer… but the coding for matchmaking (from the beta side) still needs work as matchups seem to be heavily unbalanced. The co-op objectives (my favorite being Arena) is quite inventive: Go through a map getting treasure with endless computer generated enemies spawning along the map, getting stronger and smarter with the more treasure grabbed and higher rounds, only working in a three-person cell taking on something seen in other games with 5-6 players.

Naughty Dog put more into the single player than multiplayer which shows sometimes throughout the matches with melee maneuvers and parts of objective co-op play; but the multiplayer side did get alot of play testing time from the beta and in-house testing. With the addition of the traversal gunplay elements, matches seem more difficult but strategic as more players will have to worry about looking up and looking over ledges for potential targets or quick deaths. People can pull down other players or, taking the defensive, kick players off the ledge/ladder/etc.

Movie? Game? Movie Game? There have been talks of making a movie out of the franchise FOREVER it seems (personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing Ryan Reynolds go ape on Mayans from the last game); and the commercial advertising for this game puts it out there as a movie… but the presentation is such: A fantastic, epic journey of treasure-hunting with great action elements and storytelling.

Overall: There are plenty of things to say about this game… it’s amazingly spectacular in how much it puts the player in the mud-trodden shoes of a fortune-hunter taking on everyone and their pissed off mom with a small group of allies and survive each moment with suspense being motivation to what’s next. I don’t think I’ve come across something that looked just as good in the PS3’s library that matches the single player experience, even if it does slow down in the later half of the game. The multiplayer, when the matchmaking code isn’t frustrating new players, won’t disappoint when the game is on; but it won’t win any awards.

This game is more than a game, it’s an experience.

RATING:
9.6/10

Zombieland – The Review

2009-10-02T08:55:00.001-07:00

Opened Oct. 2nd
Rated R for Violence, Gore, Language and Zombies.
Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin

Story: A paranoid kid heading to Columbus, Ohio bumps into a psychopathic stranger heading to Tallahassee, Florida while trying to escape the impending doom of the United States as the whole world has fallen due to the zombie apocalypse. Hilarity ensues.

Acting/Dialogue: Let me first say this much: It’s hard to do anything with the word “zombie” in it seriously these days. 28 Weeks Later crapped on it, Romero was the last great master of them and adding zombies to anything is more or less adding an “alternative lifestyle” to them. However, when done right and paired with comedy here, it’s more than just Shaun of the Dead. It’s actually pretty damn good.

Woody and Eisenberg put up fantastic performances with their quirky relationship in the film having the potential to go to shit so fast yet stable enough for them to work; and it shows. They are quite good. The addition of the two females add a bit of romance and rivalry on-screen, also a bit of underwritten story; but they don’t need to really try all that much, at least Breslin after Little Miss Sunshine which does get a sick throwback here.

And of course, the zombies did a good job. There’s a cameo in this movie that I, for the life of me, cannot mention at all. Don’t worry, you’ll see this famous actor (not that the rest of these guys are no-names by any means…) and laugh your head off with this last-minute yet brilliant addition.

Visuals/FX: From the previews, you see rules on-screen. You' see the potential for buckets of blood and near garbage trucks filled with body parts, lots of bad language and slo-mo at the most opportune moments. What you see is what you get.

Lots of somewhat funny and comedic zombie kills, a wonderfully satisfying yet abruptly ending last stand and fulfilling moments of destruction and mayhem that can only be described as “damn, they actually did that… for real.” You appreciate the little things.

Audio: It isn’t typical campy zombie music or an orchestrated masterpiece you’ll be expecting. Think quirky music from nowhere, chick rock and some classic rock thrown in to match each of the characters personalities. Unfortunately, no there isn’t any Motorhead.

Zombies? Yes, there’s a lot of zombies. There aren’t so much on the scale of say, Dawn of the Dead, perhaps; but that’s okay. All the zombies you see on-screen either get killed or get run-down minus a few here-and-there. They aren’t as complicated in costume design and it just looks like makeup was splattered on their faces, but the zombies work as long as they aren’t slow-walking Resident Evil zombies.

Overall: Normally when you put zombies in anything, the expectations go down. You put comedy with it, expectations go up. When the formula is executed correctly you have something damn near amazing that has to be seen over and over again, if not for the great special effects and the dark humor of Tallahassee. A hilarious road-trip and a reimagining of the zombie apocalypse from the perspective of a nerd, a professional and two crazy females that doesn’t seem to end… but it does; and that’s sad. Stay after the credits. I would not be surprised if there’s a sequel.

RATING:

9.4/10

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell – The Review

2009-09-27T17:50:00.001-07:00

Opened Sept. 25th
Matt Czuchry, Geoff Stults, Jesse Bradford, Keri Lynn Pratt
Rated R for adult language/content, nudity, sexual situations, Drinking…. and everything else.

Story: The legendary Tucker Max shares his tales from his book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, following the story of the Austin Road Trip with some subtle changes and little extensions from previous tales. I won’t go too much into details here, but it’s all from the book… unfortunately.

Acting/Dialogue: Let’s be fair, some of these guys are new. Some of them you’ve never heard of except from maybe one or two horror movies…. and a porno. I can honestly say there were only three characters in the film that were believable (storywise) and it sure as hell wasn’t Tucker (Czuchry) with his smile ruining certain moments or Dan (Stultz) being somewhat sincere as the straight guy; but rather Drew (Bradford) and a stripper. When the main characters are overshadowed by supporting roles, that says something.

Some of the best lines come out of Tucker and Drew, but otherwise everyone else (except for a stripper or two) are better off not talking or existing like Traci Lords. This could have been a lot more than just a drunken romp for one night I wish I couldn’t remember; but you’re going to remember it for a while… or you already knew about it. It isn’t as entertaining as you’d think.

Visuals: It’s a road trip. It isn’t flashy and the sets look completely makeshift. Austin never looked so bad at night, but that’s okay. It’s the scenery that makes everything seem a little less mediocre.

Sound: Let’s not worry about soundtracks, alright? Skipping this.

Book Correlation: This will be important: As mentioned above, some things are changed. Ol’ Slingblade is Drew in a nutshell, the McGriddle story is swapped with the “Pancake-wich”, and there’s a certain Trifecta that has yet to be completed but gets mentioned along with a midget… yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Overall: Did you watch The Hangover? Okay, do you like raunchy humor and references to video games? You like nudity and scat? It’s all here… and not much else. Fans of the book may be slightly disappointed with certain parts of the film, but others will probably want to leave if you’re not in a room with a LARGE audience… which I doubt you’ll find anytime soon.

RATING:
5.9/10

Angels and Demons – The Review

2009-05-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

Rated PG-13 for violence, suggestive themes and disturbing imagery
Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgård, Pierfrancesco Favino

Story: Robert Langdon has been called by the Vatican Police to inverstogate the disappearance of four cardinals removed, the Preferiti, and solve the mystery of their disappearance before midnight when a bomb made entirely of compressed antimatter destroys the Vatican. The Illuminati are at it again! Based on the novel written by Dan Brown.

Acting/Dialogue: Before moving on, I would like to say congratulations to Tom Hanks and Ewan McGregor. They won’t win an Oscar for this movie but they WILL make it bearable to watch. That being said, the movie has some pretty dense dialogue, a little bit too much for the average viewer; and the book was like that as well. My main gripe comes from the supporting roles (except McGregor) who just seemed to be tacked on being characters from the book.

Hanks puts up a damn good performance here as Langdon, showing his somewhat fickle nature when in danger and keeping his character well, right down to the Mickey Mouse watch (which isn’t explained at all). McGregor, being of different decent than the actual Camerlengo, still did a great job with what he was given; but you could tell he wanted to slip in something close to Italian whenever he spoke.

Visuals/CGI: To remind everyone where this is set, it’s the damn Vatican City. Of course every locale is going to be in that region and nothing of any major importance was going to be touched or destroyed by the scene artists and demolitions/pyrotechnicians, because that would have been a major class action suit. There’s alot of scenic shooting here which is more than welcome trying to capture the size of the buildings and architecture along with the beauty of the artifacts and statues… and the destruction of all of it was all CGI, which was surprisingly well done with the scale of everything. The scene of St. Peter’s Square and the aerial shot is a major sight to see; and the ground-to-air shot near the end is spectacular to watch.

Book Correlation: And this is where I go on a massive tirade on how much better the book is than the movie; and the major changes they’ve made throughout. For one, CERN only gets a brief 5-minute blurb where in the book there’s a whole section of it that has to explain particle physics. Also, I doubt anyone knew this, but that much anti-matter isn’t possible; there was no real explanation behind it and a couple major characters were cut out of it. Vittoria Vitra wasn’t fleshed out fully as she was in the book along with the Hassassin who wasn’t even explained at all: No back story, no epic lead-up, nada. Oh, and if you didn’t notice, the ending is different from the book. Let’s try to get it right next time if there really will be a Digital Fortress movie.

Overall: While I wanted to like the film, I couldn’t. For the average movie-goer, the surprise twist near the end of the nearly 2.5 hour flick will catch you off guard but won’t be unpredictable. This film tried to be something AFTER The Da Vinci Code even though it’s the first in the series technically. There was lots of expectation on my end, seeing the previous film and reading the book beforehand; and I was disappointed. I wanted to see some yoga, dammit. Read the book instead.

RATING:

6.2/10

X-Men Origins: Wolverine – The Review

2009-05-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Rated PG-13 for violence, intense action sequences and partial nudity
Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston, Lynn Collins, Ryan Reynolds

Story: This is the story of the iconic Wolverine from the X-Men Series of comic books, going into the early years of being Weapon X and escaping the military, all while being manipulated into the animal he inevitably becomes.

Acting/Dialogue: Not going to lie, it’s pretty bad but there are alot of big names in this movie. Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool was a good casting for all five minutes he was in the movie, will.I.am also puts up a decent performance as well. Hugh Jackman, as always, doesn’t disappoint by staying in character (something which doesn’t really stay constant for others throughout the film) and keeping Wolverine’s dignity and animalistic nature intact even with the piss poor CGI. Not saying he was ever anything below par but it was more exaggerated here. Taylor Kitsch also made for a great Gambit, however you could see the inconsistency in his scruff appearance throughout the later half of the film near the flick’s climax on Three-Mile Island. Schreiber puts on a difficult face for Victor/Sabretooth, but does it quite well with ferocity and excess mania. You could tell he had fun being quite evil.

The dialogue is considerably comic book. Woleverine sticks to the script, if not trying to make it comical.

Visuals/CGI: I have a lot to gripe about here. Wolverine’s adamantium claws looked tacked on and ridiculous in the beginning when they’re introduced, though looked better later on as the film progressed. Most of the CGI looked alright in my opinion; but past the introduction of Weapon XI, things seemed to fall apart, going from absolutely awesome and jaw-dropping visuals to something straight out of Dragonball Evolution. That isn’t to say everything was horrible at the end, just a bit off.

The costuming needed much work. While Wolverine was brought to life in full, most of the other characters seemed to take a few stiches out of their costuming. Wraith and Blob were well done along with Gambit and Sabretooth; but Deadpool, Scott Summers (who makes a slightly important cameo) and Weapon XI needed more TLC.

Comic Correlation: I don’t think I need to even mention this portion as the film had alot to go with to fully flesh out a single character. It hit all the major points and added a few in while finally catering to the requests of fanboys everywhere begging to see characters not seen in the original X-Men movies. I was impressed the writers and screenplay people got things right… until Weapon XI, then I somewhat dug my head into my palms.

Overall: It’s a film adaptation of a comic book character, which means it’s going to look awesome and do as much as possible to make the guy as awesome as possible; but it falls flat on its face with horrible pacing in the beginning and some lackluster fight scenes within the final thirty minutes of the film; but at least it has Hugh Jackman naked and some pretty awesome explosions. Don’t mess with the animal.

RATING:

7.5/10

Crank: High Voltage – The Review

2009-04-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

Rated R for frenetic action, strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language
Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Clifton Collins, Efren Ramirez

Story: Chev Chelios was supposed to die. He didn’t make it either; the triad has his heart and have him running on an artificial one. He wakes up and he’s pissed, off on another rampage on the city streets to find his strawberry tart.

Acting/Dialogue: It’s pretty bad here. Ridiculously bad, but this movie doesn’t need acting for it's ridiculous stereotypes and crazy characters each with their own neuroticism. Venus, by far, is the gayest [literally] character created but also the most badass for his condition; and Randy makes the list for best hairstyle of the movie. David Carradine also makes a cameo, though you’ll probably not expect it at all. It’s all ridiculous but it doesn’t matter, the action is where its at.

The script writing seems choppy at best. Then again, most of the people speaking outside of Statham and Smart are from a variety of ethnicities and thankfully there are subtitles. Albeit goofy subtitles but still necessary in order to understand half the cast.

Visuals/CGI: Not going to lie, this movie is graphic from the get-go. Starting out with an 8-bit introduction to a full-on mad dash of mayhem in crazy town, everything’s bright and out there. There’s movie magic everywhere and slap-on clip-art in the most key places of the flick. I only wonder how much work went into the design and choreography for most of the (gun) fight sequences as they seemed well done and quite quick as well as funny.

In fact, there are plenty of homages and flashbacks to the first film so don’t feel bad if you missed any of the “good” parts of Crank, they’re all here in this and done even better than before.

Audio/FX: For the sake of this review, it really doesn’t matter.

More JAKKED than the first? In a word, yes. Everything is thrown in your face like a bowl of cracked-out spicy stir-fry with a dash of LSD and a shot of Red Bull. It’s like a live action No More Heroes meets GTAIV with the amount of zaniness happening all at once without letting up for even a second. It’s tons of fun and clean like a horse track post-derby.

Overall: While it won’t win any Golden Globe awards for Best Picture or net Statham anything in the long run, it’s still the most badass, most fun movie I’ve seen in God-knows how long; and it runs around the block with its balls out looking for a bitch to plow. Very fun, very who-gives-a-shit plot, plenty of service for fans and anyone who saw the last one.

RATING:

8.0/10

Movie Picks for the Week of April 2nd

2009-04-03T08:07:00.001-07:00

Need something to do tonight with your boyfriend/girlfriend other than a dinner date or bar-hopping? Well... tough luck, you're on your own with that. I only do movies, not telling you what you SHOULD be doing tonight. I'm not China. Anyways, here's a couple recommendations for tonight's viewing pleasures.

Adventureland [R]
Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Martin Starr, Kristen Wiig, Ryan Reynolds
Hey, it's a bunch of people from hit movies with absolutely no relevance to each other whatsoever. That white guy from cheesy romance comedies, three actors/actresses from one damn funny movie and that girl from Twilight. That should be enough to make this movie about a dysfunctional theme park hilarious, right? Okay, I know what the deal here is: This is supposed to be that breakthrough comedy for Eisenberg with a full cast of funny and the guy that brought us Superbad; but this is shaping up to be a good thing. Let's go for funny with amusement park idiots? Sure. That'll work.
Fast and Furious [PG-13]
Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, John Ortiz
WHOA, wait a minute. Are you serious? Are we really doing a back-to-the-roots version of The Fast and The Furious only we ditch "the"? Okay, here's how I see it: Fast cars, street racing beyond the usual drag racing and cop chases, BOMB-ASS-RIDES (yes, I said it, screw you I saw the original when I was still a teenager), plenty of Diesel/Walker scenes of them doing nothing but screaming at each other and... yeah that's pretty much it. But what's the story here, now? OH. Dom and Brian somehow find each other again during a heist and have to work together to stop some exotic car loving assclown. Typical car movie story, not so typical cars. Let's hope that for once the movie appeals to both car junkies and actual movie goers instead of just either or; and from Tokyo Drift it's going to have a tall order to fill in terms of racing elements (There's no way in hell you can tell me the drift races weren't awesome). One good thing though: No Lucas Black.

And there you have it. As for that date idea, go see Adventureland if you want some laughs or Fast & Furious if you would rather need a CAR'd-on or you aren't old enough to ride the rated R flick... Or, you know, you could go see I Love You, Man again.

Movie Picks for the Week of March 20th

2009-03-16T10:35:00.001-07:00

Hey guys, I've got another round of weekly picks; and this week seems to be pretty decent. Not great but at least pretty funny.

I Love You, Man [R]
Paul Rudd, Jason Segel, Rashida Jones, Andy Samberg
Okay, guy has a girlfriend, then he proposes to her and they plan the wedding... but there's no best man. This has trainwreck written all over it until marketing and PR somehow realized that this could be made into a sort of Bromance buddy comedy that could have potential. It looks funny enough, it has a good script and it's not bad. It's good for what it's worth: Laughs.
Duplicity [PG-13]
Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Tom Wilkinson, Paul Giamatti
The only other time I've seen Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti was in the awesome shootacular Shoot 'Em Up where they both put up wonderful performances. The last time I saw Julia Roberts doing something funny was in Ocean's Thirteen. Now we have these three (and Tom Wilkinson) on-screen together in a weird love-spy romantic movie where Owen and Roberts are spies in love but work against each other. This won't be good, but at least it'll be entertaining watching Giamatti act like a tool.
Lesbian Vampire Killers [R][Limited]
James Corden, MyAnna Buring, Silvia Colloca, Paul McGann
Before anyone jumps me for putting this one up here so early, let me say this: It's got everything a B-movie would have. You're expecting a B-movie with vampires, English people and [of course] lesbians. It's more comedy than horror and it services the male population, so don't think just because you take your girlfriend to this one means you're getting any action later. You're getting all that on-screen in this weird idea of a movie instead of a porno.

And there you have it. I chose to omit Knowing since Nicholas Cage is in it without a co-star to save his ass; and there aren't any other movies to watch other than Watchmen (again). If I had to give the nod to something, it would have to be Lesbian Vampire Killers. If you can find it, go watch it and laugh your asses off with a hard-on; but if you can't, then I recommend I Love You, Man. It's either Bromance or vampire erotica, y'all.

Movie Picks for the Week of March 13th

2009-03-13T08:55:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone. Last week was great, wasn't it? Well now there's a pretty broad selection of what everyone can (read: may want to) watch, so here are my picks for this week!

The Last House on the Left [R]
Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Sara Paxton, Garret Dillahunt
So what is it with everyone doing remakes these days? Why can't someone just leave a franchise to what it was? Are we going to see a Clockwork Orange again, this time with 2% milk? Who knows? One thing's for sure: The gore and sadistic sexual content are supposedly ramped up in this one, and we don't have some idiot doing the cinematography. Another horror flick for anyone needing something to watch on Friday the 13th other than... Friday the 13th.
Race to Witch Mountain [PG]
Dwayne Johnson, AnnaSophia Robb, Carla Gugino, Ciaran Hinds
The Rock is a taxi driver? Damn, this economy sure has a way of breaking big wrestlers down, especially for a Disney film. Hell, Triple H didn't even stoop this low and he did Blade Trinity! Did anyone know he was in that? I did. It doesn't matter. This race looks action packed like a roller-coaster ride but add in a few stupid kids and slap on a PG rating to kill the rest of the fun that could be had from this movie. Give it a PG-13 rating and THEN we might actually have the Rock, oh wait, Dwayne Johnson do something other than drive a damn car with two aliens in the backseat paying their fare in gems and shiny rocks.
Tokyo Sonata [PG-13]
Teruyuki Kagawa, Kyoko Koizumi, Haruka Igawa, Yu Koyanagi
Yes, I did just recommend a Japanese film, screw you. Directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa, known predominantly for his horror films, this family drama is about a businessman who suddenly loses his job and can't break the news to his wife and kids. Instead, he puts on his clothes like any other day and then hangs out with one of his former classmates throughout the days, all while his family life (who still has no damn clue what's going on with him) is starting to fall apart as he distances himself away from them. While trying to get on the current bent of the recession, Kurosawa puts more emotion into this family piece of sitcom and social commentary. It's worth the watch wherever you can find it; but be warned, it gets deep. Not Old Boy deep, but still deep.

And there you have it folks. If you wanted to see Miss March, don't bother. It's going to suck and only be saved by the skin. Otherwise, it actually seems like a good week to either watch Watchmen again or find a showing for Tokyo Sonata.

Watchmen - The Review

2009-03-11T10:24:00.001-07:00

Rated R for Strong Sexuality, Nudity, Graphic Violence, Adult Language and Adult Content
Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick Wilson

Story: The year is 1985 and America is on the verge of nuclear war with the Soviet Union, metered by the Doomsday Clock ticking at five minutes to midnight. The Comedian, one of the heroes originally part of a legion of superheroes, is murdered and it's up to Rorschach to figure out the killer while uncovering a plot to kill off past and present masked heroes. He reconnects with his now retired heroic "friends" who were all a part of a now-disbanded group of crime-fighting superheroes (only one having actual superpowers) in order to uncover this sinister plot. Based on the iconic graphic novel.

Acting/Dialogue: To put your fears to rest, over 2/3rds of the movie dialogue is straight from Watchmen, little bits added in here and there. Unfortunately, the acting here is a mixed bag of good (Wilson, Haley, Crudup) and bad (Goode, Akerman); but at least the performances aren't completely hit or miss. Haley portrays Rorschach's character behind the mask and unmasked extremely well, his voice being as gruff and actions just as gritty and ugly as his role. Goode, however, doesn't know the difference between "arrogant asshole" and "magnificent bastard" as his portrayal of Adrien Veidt/Ozymandias greatly disappointed me. I couldn't imagine a better person for the role of Dr. Manhattan as he played off the aloof big blue glowing man of matter quite well. Wilson also did well for being a fit yet paunch Nite Owl II. Only these performances stood out amongst the rest as I couldn't really say too much more about everyone else. They just seemed more background to me for most of the movie up to one of the novel's key sequences even though they had greater intensity in the novel.

Allow me to rant on Goode for a moment here: Ozymandias is supposed to be the leader of the Watchmen, in the book he is a well-built handsome man who is obviously showing his age over the years while being the smartest man in the world; and yet here we get someone who looks like Andy Dick on a superhero bender. His personality is daft: No one can see a man whose face speaks more than his speech; but instead he's whiny, cheekless and has no jaw; but he's still as speedy and quick as ever. There is no recourse or redeeming quality about him even after a pivotal point near the end of the film in Karnak. I won't spoil anything here, but it had to be possibly the worst casting choice in the entire line-up.

Visuals/CGI: Zack Snyder needs to lay off the CG. Now that that's been said, the visuals of the movie are what stand out the most, the three key elements being the clockwork gears on Mars, the horizon line of the city and a few scenes in the introduction being my personal favorites. Otherwise, the film seems to adapt itself to the character being focused upon in each scene: Rorschach's scenes are usually gritty and dirty, a mess; whereas Nite Owl has everything organized, dimly lit and in a somewhat green and brown hue. Also, be prepared for some pretty messed up scenes that involve a heavy dose of blood spatters, somewhat choppy fight sequences and sexuality that may make few viewers a little uneasy. As for the nudity, if you couldn't tell from the trailers and commercials, let me just say he's not the only one that appears naked on screen. There is also alot of fire and fire effects that somewhat get abused along with the slow-motion effect which gets old after the first hour.

Dr. Manhattan gets picked apart here: His glowing blue appearance and his backstory are what I would think to be a crowd pleaser in an audience of art majors, though his appearance on screen will frighten kids and disgust some mothers [who bring their kids to R-rated movies] to the point of what I'd like to call "ew-mommy-its-a-big-blue-dingaling". Still, his appearance looked almost spot on along with Rorschach's changing face mask.

Audio/SFX: Most of the tracks heard in the movie will be on the soundtrack but everything (except the end credits) is an homage to the late 60's/early 80's. Bob Dylan was a good choice for the very beginning, practically perfect for chrnicling the 40's to the 80's. The noises of the city and the absolute silence on Mars sets the tone for each of the sequences, though there are times when some tense moments that get the serious music treatment would actually make the scene funny. What struck me, however, was the use of a not-so-period song near the end of the movie, up until I noticed it had lyrics from the novel tacked on.

Comic Correlation: I have to formally apologize to my readers as I read the comic AFTER seeing the movie. There were noticeably some parts removed from the movie that couldn't be fitted into the already long runtime, the ending being the most significant since it could have gone two ways: The way the movie had ended or the way the novel ended which would have been OUT THERE for everyone viewing the movie without prior explanation. I won't give away any spoilers (and if I already have, oops), but the movie starts taking a turn about halfway in, but it's going for a more generalized audience while still trying to stay cool with its fans.

Overall: This comic book adaption might not have been the best. It tries to be a movie rather than an adaptation and it shows in its lack of subtlety and spots of comic irrelevance. Still, it is an enjoyable film past its melodramatic portions that seem to extend the movie past the 2.5 hour mark. Change Adrian Veidt (Goode) to someone that looks BIGGER, fix up the dialogue and put the alternate ending on the Blu-Ray; and MAYBE I'll approve this more than I already do. The movie tries to be a movie while not even trying to keep the soul and pull of the novel that made Time's Top 100 Most Important Pieces of Fiction of the 20th Century, and that in itself is a crime against cinema.

RATING:
7.8/10

Movie Picks for the Week of March 6th

2009-03-04T12:17:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone! It's that time again. I bet you all need a remedy from last week's major snooze fest and a Street Fighter box-office flop that I hope no one saw... and now, rub your eyes and look up. Here are only two recommendations for anyone to watch this weekend (and perhaps this Thursday evening). Don't bring the kids, they may get scarred.

Watchmen [R]
Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Matthew Goode, Carla Gugino
Set in 1985, someone is picking off costumed superheroes and hellbent on ending the very thought of them while the Doomsday Clock sits at five minutes to midnight, metering the tension between the USA and the USSR. One vigilante gone outlaw is out to fix all that while trying to uncover a conspiracy. Based on the legendary comic and helmed by Zack Snyder, I've got nothing more except visual eye candy to offer from all that I've seen; but be ready for a long show packed with everything to make it R-Rated... including a bright blue naked dude.
Explicit Ills [R] (Limited)
Paul Dano, Rosario Dawson, Lou Taylor Pucci, Naomie Harris
Set in Philly, this is a film about hope and finding it in the streets. It was great at SXSW (Audience Award Winner) and a good lighthearted comedy for its R rating.

So, who's watching the Watchmen? I hope you all are. I know I will... in IMAX.

Movie Picks for the Week of February 27th

2009-02-27T08:32:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone! I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is I have nothing to recommend for you this week, because honestly there is nothing good on the menu for anyone that hasn't already been up already. I do, however, have a recommendation as to what NOT to see, and that's Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.

Allow me to rant here for a moment on how much I didn't want this movie to happen: First, let's focus on a character who's story has been done numerous amounts of times, including once before in the previous Street Fighter movie... NO. Then let's only do those characters from the game that nobody likes (Bison, Balrog, Vega and... NASH!? Who the fuck puts Nash in a movie, let alone Chris Kline of all idiots!) and totally put out everyone else... NO. Okay, how about we make the fight sequences so stupid and choreographed so badly it's safe to say I could put on a puppet show better with floating Small Soldiers figurines... NO. Hey! Let's cast Kristen Kreuk to be a Chinese woman and an Irish motherfucker to play Bison; and then make them the only people who can use their signature moves... FUCK THAT. No, I'm sorry I just cannot like this movie at all. It's a snoozefest from the get go and a horrible way to reboot the franchise in theaters. I don't think even fans of the game should see this, steer clear! Hell, it was so bad, I had to watch the first Street Fighter movie to erase this movie out of my head as it actually looks really awesome in comparison! Van Damme be... damned! I'm not even dignifying this movie with a score.

But good news, guys! Watchmen is next week. Get your tickets NOW.

Street Fighter IV - The Review

2009-02-19T10:33:00.001-08:00

Story: The mysterious organization S.I.N. is hosting another international world fighting tournament. No longer is Shadoloo in major control and Ryu is coming to grips with his destiny in dealing with the inner Dark Hadou awaiting an awakening. Set in the Street Fighter universe between II and III.

Gameplay: Veterans, purists and newcomers rejoice! The newest iteration of Street Fighter 8 years in the making is finally arrived and couldn't be anymore great for people to start out on. Veterans of SFII will appreciate the character lineup being the way it used to be with several new additions to the roster (six brand spanking new, six coming from SF Alpha and SSII Turbo). Every old and new character plays like they have from their original games even with new gameplay elements added in.

Veterans of SFIII will recognize the combo bar on the bottom of the screen which allows every characters to use EX moves, or more powerful versions of moves; and super combos. New to the franchise is the Focus attack system which makes a character invulnerable/sturdy for a short period of time while they strike; and the revenge meter which can be charged by taking damage to pull off spectacular over-the-top ultra combos. This is similar to the old parry system with a little added depth depending on how long the buttons pressed are held, creating a quick counterattack or even a powerful guard-breaker.

All of this in 3D... but taking it back to 2D roots. This couldn't be any better for sweetening the deal, even after the high criticism that came from those who played the abysmal Street Fighter EX which was also in 3D... only horrible.

Controls: Many people have their qualms about how this controls. In terms of using the MadCatz Fightpad, the button placement feels good yet slightly awkward for heavy kick and punch. For anyone using a Tournament FightStick... I have nothing to say to them because they paid more than $100 for a peripheral for one [GODLY] fighting game. Otherwise, take this as another fighter. For PS3 owners, you'll most likely have a harder time with the awkward D-pad but the Analog works fine; 360 owners can rest easy; and no one is awkward to play with. The speed of the game is notably slower than SFIII with Turbo but slightly faster than SFII. Combinations seem to also come easier.

My only criticism here is the reliance on a system based on SFII that has yet to be changed, which also has its fault. Just a very minor nitpick, though.

Visuals: I wouldn't expect super jaw-dropping visuals here, but do expect alot of detail put into the game to keep it fluid and active at all times. The backgrounds are alive and vivid, no dull colors or drab pictures stuck in place on a 2D plane. Instead, the places are vibrant, the objects shake along with the foreground drops and thuds, the people interact with each other and the fighters in the background.

Every fighter has been given a 3D HD facelift, from the hulking Red Cyclone Zangief to the tiny yet spunky Sakura; and each have their own expressions including facial expression that change depending on how they're doing in the fight. Eyes bulge before ultra combos, flesh bends and clothes shift when hit, Dan cries. It's amazing. Also, each character has an anime intro and ending, giving the presentation aspect a bit of a jump in terms of production values even though it admittedly is short. Still, it does show more than a little thought was put into the creation and the magnificent comic-like art style of the game.

Audio: Street Fighter has always had a nack for memorable music, and this is no exception. Each of the stages has it's own background music that fits the mood of the time of day and locale. Each character also shouts something when they use a special move.

New to SFIV are English and Japanese voice-overs which can be set per-character, something unprecedented in any fighter to date to such degree. Each character has an opening and a winning quote specifically written for their opponent; and there is additional dialog during the fight if the player is fighting their character's rival, from trash talk to story dialogue. As a special treat, during rival fights, a remixed version of their character's theme is played if they came from an original SF game. Talk about fan service, folks.

Online Multiplayer: The staple of the series has always been two player versus. This has yet to disappoint as most of the characters (with the exception of probably Seth) are balanced... and Dan still blows. Online multiplayer is new to the developers but not new to the series since SFIITHD Remix... wow, that's a lot of letters... But as far as that goes, the online is pretty seamless and lag-free in same countries, though sometimes difficult to have a stable connection which can be patched. What's unique about the online, however, is the part where you can enter it from Arcade mode, similar to the actual experience of someone putting in tokens and pressing start on the other side. It's nifty, but annoying at times when you're going through arcade mode and can't seem to fight your rival because you're wasting too much time online fighting others.

Um... so is this Tekken? NO, IT'S NOT TEKKEN. IT'S A 2D FIGHTING GAME IN 3D THAT IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING ELSE OUT THERE ON THE 2D FIGHTING GAME MARKET. What are you, daft!?

Overall: Street Fighter IV has been eight years coming, and at long last we have something other than Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike to have in our homes with our buddies and fight around the world. Newcomers can get used to everything for the first time they play and old vets can jump back into the fray. Capcom and its Street Fighter community was dedicated to making this game the most epic 3D/2D fighter to date, showing it in the immense detail and fan service; and with future DLC coming down the pipe as long as Capcom is on their game, they have what I believe to be the best fighting game of the year. Now everyone should grab this game, get your boys/girls together and become a world warrior.

RATING:
9.9/10

Friday the 13th – The Review

2009-02-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

Rated R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, language and drug material
Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti

Story: It’s Friday the 13th and it’s Jason Vorhees’s birthday. A long time ago, a kid has drowned in Crystal Lake while at summer camp, and he’s supposedly come back from the dead to get revenge on the person who killed his mother…. by killing everyone else. Now, present day: A guy named Clay is looking for his sister while a bunch of college kids venture out to Crystal Lake for a wild weekend. When they both cross paths, they also meet the masked reaper.

Plot: Okay, the first thing to expect is that there’s going to be plenty of killing. You know exactly what’s coming, you just won’t know WHEN it’s coming; and this is seen in the long (read: 30 minutes) opening sequence when the title abruptly appears after a grizzly killing spree. After that, however, it’s pretty much the same thing in broad daylight, only the plot gets put off to the side for a good part of the movie, only to be quickly brought back and resolved in the climax of the film. Understandable for a slasher flick.

Acting/Dialogue: Note that here are nothing but sidekicks seen from movies such as Cloverfield, Accepted and TV’s own Supernatural. There are some generally funny moments and one-liners thrown around; but as expected, the acting isn’t even below par. Hell, one girl makes the worst O-face/orgasm I’ve ever heard during a sexual sequence…

Speaking of which, there’s a radical hike in how much wet and sweaty nipple is seen on-screen making for a high-budgeted yet horrible porno that Zack and Miri could have done much better. Plus, it seemed to me it was more about the weed, nudity and sex than the terror. Seriously, how horny are these guys who made the movie and which pornstar couldn’t they get?

Visuals/CGI: Alright, this is, for better or worse, not an homage to the previous Friday the 13th movie. Just want to put that out there since many of the kills are pretty boring and not so much horrendous. There are some parts where chill factor will make people squeamish, but no shock; and some deaths are pretty satisfying, my favorite being one on the lake itself. (Don’t worry, you’ll know why when you see it.)

As for this iteration of Jason, he’s not some hulking cyborg or an idiot in a janitor’s outfit. Instead, he’s big and not so much hulking, and the mask almost looks like it was melted before it even made it to his face. The machete was still there and I suppose that’s all that mattered.

Audio/SFX: I’ll admit, there is a bit of good here as the sounds do more of a job in the movie than the actual movie itself. The music pays its respects and the pop choices were… okay… though admittedly I laughed when one song came on.

Okay, so this or Freddy vs. Jason: I’m still standing by the belief that this is better than most of the other Jason movies before this, but hands-down the movie is nothing compared to the original. This. Freddy vs. Jason was horrible.

Overall: So what do I think? This film had an amazing introduction that could have been the entire flick altogether, saving me the rest of the bit for the college crowd. The first 30 minutes has everything a slasher film fanatic would want and then some; but the rest of the movie just seems like a dumb formula for every horror movie and the creativity comes and goes. Mostly goes… south. Still, it’s a good attempt at rebooting the franchise without the need of any cybernetic enhancements or stupid idiocy…

RATING:
7.0/10

Movie Picks for the Week of Friday the 13th

2009-02-13T09:22:00.001-08:00

Ah yes, Friday the 13th is here. Before Valentine's Day there's Jason's day, so what better way to spend time with someone who you're dating than having them grab onto you ridiculously hard like hawk talons on a goat and get close during a horror flick. Here's the top three for the night. Better grab your fakes, kids.

Friday the 13th [R]
Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti
Gee Mr. STR!KE, why did you recommend this one? Isn't it obvious? The same director behind the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is behind this one with B-list actors from Supernatural, Disturbia and Cloverfield to bring together the horror that is Jason Voorhees's birthday. Unfortunately, the script's done by those guys who did Freddy vs. Jason, which makes me die a little on the inside.
The International [R]
Clive Owen, Naomi Watts, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Brian F. O'Byrne
Well here's a novel concept: A bank responsible for various assassinations, terrorist attacks and other not-so-goodness is under scrutiny for its illegal activities by a DA and Interpol. Wow, this economy really IS going to hell in a handbasket, but maybe this movie can entertain the masses with both Clive Owen and Naomi Watts being the A-listers. The producers spent more money on airfare/travel than anything else... including good writers.
Confessions of a Shopaholic [PG]
Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy, Joan Cusack, John Goodman
A girl has a problem spending and shopping, dreaming of working for a fashion mag that ISN'T Cosmopolitan but she just can't fit it into her busy splurging schedule. She gets another job writing advice columns for the same company she wants to work for; but has trouble keeping her old habits from getting the best of her. Looks funny but also looks stupid... to me at least. It's a romantic comedy made to be somewhat kid-friendly, something for the teenage crowd. Don't be afraid of this one, if you're a girl or Sophie Kinsella.

There you have it. Go see Friday the 13th if you're looking for a fright. For a date night movie, you could go and check out He's Not All That Into You or even Coraline; but then again, nothing says date movie like a 3D ride to hell in My Bloody Valentine 3D. That's it for me, stay safe and keep watching!

Coraline – The Review

2009-02-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

Rated PG for thematic elements, scary images, some language and suggestive humor
Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, and Ian McShane

Story: Coraline Jones has moved out to the countryside with her mother and father, gardeners working on a massive catalog for a publishing company. Everything’s boring and dull, people are annoying and don’t listen to her… until she finds a door that leads to an alternative and much preferred version of her life. Things get eerily creepy fast when her “other mother” tries to keep Coraline forever; and there’s more going on than she really knows.

Plot: For Tim Burton, this is nothing more than a walk in the park. Nothing really special here though things are pretty clear-cut and somewhat predictable. You get a real feel for Coraline for the most part. No sympathy concerning everyone else except possibly Wybie, the protagonist’s only friend in the film; and even then it’s somewhat forced all the way throughout… which is a good addition for what it’s worth.

Visuals/CGI: I think it’s safe to say this is all animated via stop-motion. Everything’s in 3D but nothing feels gimmicky about it at all. The characters created look well-thoughtout and creative, some character models being a throwback to The Nightmare Before Christmas. Everyone is fleshed out nicely with their mannerisms/neurotic tendencies, which is nice in separating the good and the boring… but there’s alot of dullness here, so much so that the vibrant portions are easily welcomed by all.

Audio/SFX/Dialogue: Don’t worry, They Might Be Giants provides peaceful and moving music while Bruno Coulais adds his touch to the charmingly disturbing tale. The voice acting’s pretty good, even with Dakota Fanning and a bare-bones script!

So wait, Corpse Bride? No, I’m sorry but this won’t be that. Shut up.

Overall: You’re paying for what you’re getting: A highly regarded children’s book (SAY WHAT!?) by Neil Gaiman that provides a good story for an animated movie. It sure as hell ain’t Alice in Wonderland, but it also isn’t a nightmare, either. While it provides bright hues, 3D and surprisingly good visuals it seems pretty hollow in most points. Still, worth a watch, at least a date movie.

RATING:
8.1/10

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans – The Review

2009-01-24T17:23:00.001-08:00

Rhona Mitra, Bill Nighy, Michael Sheen, Steven Mackintosh
R for bloody violence and some sexuality

Story/Plot: Set before the events of Underworld, Victor and his coven are in danger of a growing infestation of werewolves in the area. His “pet” Lucian, a Lycanthrope, is his best defense against them alongside the Death Dealers; although Lucian has set his sights on Victor’s daughter while also realizing his predestined future.

Acting/Dialogue: Something different for the universe is the fact that it’s set in the past, before modern dialogue and, apparently, before people had to attempt to act. Everything seems forced from the lack of facial expression to the ending death sequences which are thankfully quick and painless. Otherwise, the non-action segments allowed me to catch up on some missing Z’s in this snoo__er.

There doesn’t seem to be a massive change in dialogue from the other movies, though a lack of witty dialogue is probably best for this type of prequel. Nighy gives a damn good performance for being the only one on screen doing the most acting and the most talking, whereas Sheen is only there to pass the story on regardless of how awful it is to hear him talk like he’s mumbling at points. Where’s Kate Beckinsale?

Visuals/CGI: You’ve got to hand it to those guys doing the visuals. The contrast to darkness and light is vast and the landscapes are gorgeous. The models for the transitioning Lycans remind me of those used in the first movie; but that’s not a jab to the special effects department.

One nitpick I have was with the eyes of the vampires, most notably Sonja’s eyes which seemed to be on and off, much like her acting. Again, where’s Kate Beckinsale?

Audio/FX: What epic movie wouldn’t be great without music? Expect your usual booming drums and strings. The soudn FX do become chilling at some points, less in others.

For the last time, where’s Kate Beckinsale? The Underworld franchise hasn’t been one of my favorites, admittedly; but it did do a bang-up job in the beginning with its concept. Now, unfortunately, it’s taken the wayward path of the fading three-quel like Blade, except going retroactive instead of slightly forward. Sure, everything in the film is done pretty well in order to stick to canon; but it could have done more things with bigger emphasis instead of just adding bigger guns….err, crossbows.

Overall: I’m not really sure if I want to say anything beyond neutral for this movie. It’s got it’s good and bad. It’s tedious to put some people off to their cell phones during movies and nothing is too imprinting; however it does offer a few things to fill in some plot holes in the other movies while doing enough for two major characters later in the story to make things bearable and worth it. And hey, those action sequences were pretty badass! Unfortunately, Rhona Mitra barely naked for three seconds does not make up for the lack of Kate Beckinsale in leather. Sorry. That’s what did it for me.

RATING
6.8/10

Movie Picks for the Week of January 16th

2009-01-16T10:18:00.001-08:00

Hey hey everybody! This is a good week for a date movie, I suppose. Long weekend, black star power and some cheesy ass horror flicks are what's on the menu for this week. Let's take a look at what's good in theaters, shall we?

Notorious [R]
Jamal Woolard, Anthony Mackie, Derek Luke, Angela Bassett
Diddy's producing this mother of a story of one of the greatest rappers of all time, the Notorious B.I.G., from his Brooklyn beginnings to his untimely end. This somewhat epic biopic details the many aspects of his life including the rivalry between B.I.G. and Tupac, played by Mackle. Really, we couldn't just get the original guys out of the grave?
My Bloody Valentine 3D [R]
Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Betsey Rue
Nothing says date movie like a 3D ride to hell... or maybe just a joyride into cheesy CGI, blood and gore on Valentine's day. Who doesn't like a good slasher flick with a pickaxe wielding miner on a rampage? Surely it'll be enough to appease the fans of the old 3D flicks way-back-when.
Defiance [R]
Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber, Jamie Bell, Alexa Davalos
So we have another WWII movie, but this one has a slightly different premise: Let's tell the story of the jews who during the holocaust, and portray them in a way that makes them heroic when they fight back against their oppressors and hide in the forests, along with three Russian fugitives. Silly, no? It looks good but might just be another WWII movie in the books and the ratings.

There you have it guys. Check out Notorious with the MLK holiday coming up; and see you next week!

Movie Picks for the Week of December 26th

2008-12-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

FINALLY, THE WEEK EVERYONE WANTS. It’s go time for Christmas and some of the best movies of the season. Here are the top 4 (the extra’s my gift to you all).

Valkyrie [PG-13]
Tom Cruise, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp
The story of the assassination plot against Adolf Hitler by Claus von Stauffenberg. surprisingly enough, Bryan Singer is taking a break from the X-Men saga to throw together this WWII thriller; but is it going to be as bang-up as the comic book movies he’s done… or will it fail?
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [PG-13]
Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Taraji P. Henson, Tilda Swinton
It’s amazing what writers think of these days. Brad Pitt plays a guy who is aging backwards, which means at the end of the movie there will be crying babies. I thought those weren’t allowed in the movie theater in the first place, but Cate Blanchett makes up for it. I’m just hoping Fincher and Pitt’s third time working together don’t screw up this adaptation of the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story.
Revolutionary Road [R]
Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Michael Shannon, Kathryn Hahn
It’s been ages since we’ve seen Jack and Rose on screen since Titanic and Metal Gear Solid 4 [whoever gets this reference is about as funny as I am]; but didn’t Jack die? Oh well, whatever. These two are at it again trying to be different from everyone, but it’s alright. It’ll make for a different kind of drama. Maybe Rose will die this time?
The Spirit [PG-13]
Eva Mendes, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Gabriel Macht
So, remember that one comic strip from Frank Miller that was about that one guy who came back from the dead to take down that other guy with the eight-barreled guns? Yeah, so it’s The Spirit (Gabriel Macht) versus the Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson) while he’s dealing with the voluptuous beauties that either want to seduce or subdue him any way possible. The film shares that of 300 and Sin City in terms of cinematography and overall style, which means saving the city from evil never looked so damn good.

So, not gonna lie, I’m recommending The Spirit for everyone; and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for anyone looking for something nice and couply. Happy Holidays and enjoy your Chrismahanukwanzakah!

Movie Picks for the Week of December 19th

2008-12-15T21:13:00.001-08:00

I find this intriguing: Funny man trying to get a new outlook on life versus two serious men on the path to redemption for their misdeeds… this could be good for everybody’s second date, if you know what I mean.

Seven Pounds [PG-13]
Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Woody Harrelson, Barry Pepper
Okay, we’re still reeling from Hancock but I have to give Will Smith some credit: The man can do serious work when it comes down to it. I don’t know what I could say here other than expect something good or something completely boring without any let-up. Pour on the bore or bring on the power as he plays an IRS agent who’s trying to rectify his own inner conflict by helping seven complete strangers. Seriously, that’s the plot. Take it or leave it.
Yes Man [PG-13]
Jim Carrey, Zooey Deschanel, Bradley Cooper, Rhys Darby
So you know, Jim Carrey’s been off an on lately. He’s done several things good with comedy and things decent with seriousness; but that does take a toll, you know. Still, maybe Yes Man will be good? It seems like a younger version of Nicholson/Freeman’s The Bucket List to me. Will I recommend this movie? Yes! Will I actually see it? I’ll have to stick with a good MAYBE.
The Wrestler [R]
Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood, Ernest "The Cat" Miller
Oh here’s an idea! We’re going to make a movie about wrestling! It’s going to be absolutely nothing like Ready to Rumble and the WWE is going to be absolutely nowhere near this… in fact… it might as well be called “How can Mickey Rourke get an Oscar Without Looking like Ric Flair?” Yes, it looks like it’s bell ringer, but we get the outside life of the show, when someone’s life is down to taking on menial side-jobs and reconnecting with your daughter and a stripper you call your best friend. Tear-jerker? Eh, maybe.

So kids, there you have it. I highly encourage anyone who is actually in the area to catch the limited release of The Wrestler as it takes a documentary approach to shooting the diary of a depressed old wrestler and one of the best actors I’ve seen on-screen in a while. If not, then Seven Pounds may be next up on your list. Say yes to Yes Man if you really want something to laugh at.

Movie Picks for the Week of December 12th

2008-12-10T11:15:00.001-08:00

Yup. It's that lull week again. You're still waiting on Christmas, I'm still waiting for some decent flicks. Let's take a look at what's good on the silver screen, shall we?

The Day the Earth Stood Still [PG-13]
Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, John Cleese
GOD, HOW DOES KEANU REEVES STILL GET WORK IN THE SCI-FI GENRE? This remake of the 1951 classic stars Keanu Reeves as an alien... typical goddamn messiah-like role... as he's sent to pretty much ruin mankind for a day. Heh, yep. It's the end of the human race, not the world. If the world dies, we die; but if we die the world lives. Isn't that dark?
Doubt [PG-13]
Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Viola Davis
It's 1964, an uptight sister (Meryl Streep) at St. nicholas, a Catholic school in the Bronx, keeps the ruler in her left pocket. Father Flynn (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) admits the first black student in history into the school, but this sister is alarmed at the amount of attention he's received from Flynn. This has Catholic conspiracy theory written all over it, with dramatic sequences around every corner of this tale of moral justice and treads lightly on today's envisionment of the Catholic Church. Someone's gonna get crucified, alright.
Nothing Like the Holidays [PG-13]
Debra Messing, Alfred Molina, Jay Hernandez, Melonie Diaz
This could have sleeper hit written all over it with witty dialog and hispanic flair. Of course, I said the same thing about Soul Food a long time ago when I saw it the first time without having a damn clue what art was truly like. Still, this film has enough ethnicity to attract many different crowds, but probably not everyone. Still, it's a comedy, but it's a bit tame.

There you have it. Give Reeves a shot with The Day the Earth Stood Still so that we can see if the remake can hold up against a classic, unlike last week's Punisher which just made me want to punt kittens and shoot them with an automatic rifle. Yes, I said it.

Movie Picks for December 5th

2008-12-03T10:29:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone! Here's your top three for the week. Better keep the kids at home and the teenagers occupied, they're not going anywhere.

Cadillac Records [R]
Emmanuelle Chriqui, Jeffrey Wright, Adrien Brody, Columbus Short, Beyonce, Gabrielle Union, Mos Def, Cedric the Entertainer
Sex, drugs, rock n'... wait, no. This is blues. This is the story of the rise of Chess Records in the 1950s and 60's, the chronicles of some of the recording label's most famous artists: Etta James, Muddy Waters, Little Walter, Howlin' Wolf, Duck Berry and Big Willie Dixon. An all-star cast has been put together to bring the stories to life on a grand scale, but will it hold up to the rock n' roll roller-coaster also on the weekend ticket?
The Punisher: War Zone [R]
Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Doug Hutchison, Colin Salmon, Wayne Knight, Dash Mihok, Julie Benz
So let's see. We had one Punisher movie which had this Thomas Jane and John Travolta where the Saints went marching on Castle's family and he retaliated with decent grossings and an alright plot. We had a another done with Dolph Lundgren and Louis Gossett where mob boss Lady Tanaka went apeshit, but the movie was horrible overall. What could possibly make this any different from the others? Okay, make a bad guy from the comics, add a "Punisher Task Force", get another random actor from HBO's Rome and jack up the violence rating from one to one-thousand and you have what could be a great way to end the year... not really, there's still some comic book magic left.
Frost/Nixon [R]
Frank Langella, Michael Sheen, Rebecca Hall, Toby Jones, Matthew MacFadyen, Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt, Sam Rockwell
Finally, we have a movie of the interview of disgraced ex-president Richard Nixon and the somewhat unknown David Frost. This once-in-a-lifetime all-inclusive interview has been re-enacted almost word-for-word, including the weeks before with the deals and secrets that had to be made and unearthed respectively; all with painstaking detail and political historians and analysts providing their input here and there during the movie production process. But is it worth watching Frank Langella dodge questions and Michael Sheen posing the Watergate questions looking for nothing but the truth? Can you handle the truth?

So there you have it. I'm giving the nod to Frost/Nixon as it does have the lesser amount of hype and release, but will have some compelling story behind it. Who wouldn't want to see something like that?

Movie Picks for the Week of November 26th

2008-11-24T19:57:00.001-08:00

Hey guys! I’m sure everyone is still talking about last week’s surprise [NOT!] hit, Twilight, still in theaters for the content of all teenage girls (and some boys) everywhere. Now let’s get back to reality before I puke.

Here’s my picks for this week’s lineup…

The Transporter 3 [PG-13]
Jason Statham, Robert Knepper, Francois Berleand, Natalya Rudakova
Alright, here’s the skinny: Same badass behind the wheel, another package needs to be delivered, only this time if Frank gets 75 feet away from the car both he and his bitchin’ ride are toast. How’s that for motivation? This action tour-de-force will have plenty of awesome action, but like the others before it, there may be no plot… which isn’t really necessary anymore.
Milk [R]
Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Emile Hirsch, James Franco
The biopic of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be voted into public office as the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977; the year before his untimely death. Sean Penn’s running the show this time around, so let’s see if he can bring the rainbows out of the rain and onto the silver screen… wow, that was gay.
Australia [PG-13]
Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, David Wenham, Jack Thompson
An English aristocrat and a cattle herder get together to graze over 2000 cattle across a grand landscape. Boring. Oh hey! Let’s set in pre-World War II so the Japanese can attack Darwin, Australia. Better, right?

It’s a tough choice, but most people looking for something substantial should go see Milk, while the action crowd go straight for Statham in The Transporter 3.

Twilight – The Review

2008-11-22T19:28:00.001-08:00

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli
Rated PG-13 for violence and sensuality

Story/Plot: Bella is from Arizona, but she moves to the small town of Forks up in Washington where it’s raining practically every day and dreary at all times; yet for some reason this girl is attracted to Edward Cullen, a mysterious boy with the Cullen family… of Vampires. Somehow, the two aren’t repulsed in the slightest as they both choose to endure oppression from both sides to have something forbidden.

Acting/Dialogue: If you’re a woman reading this review, then obviously you are not going to care about how the acting but rather the facial expressions of Edward, Jasper and James; the interaction between the Cullen coven and Bella, along with the respective pairings; the human interactions and inside jokes scattered in places. Unfortunately, Edward looks even more awkward on-screen than his book counterpart but Bella is okay. Just okay.

For everyone else, be forewarned. It’s like you’re watching a horrifically awkward teen drama in the beginning but once everything picks up, it’s almost a vampire movie but more or less Bloodrayne all over again; and only a good few of us saw how that turned out. Many of the key vampires didn’t speak all that much, probably for good reason; and the more talk-heavy moments in the book were replaced musically silencing talk montages. It works once, but more than once is a bit excessive over time. It seemed that everything for Bella and Edward was extremely rushed. There was almost no character development between them with the exception of Edward showing off his powers to Bella; and everything seems to come to a peak for them quickly without any real exposition whatsoever. Had it not been for the introduction of any other vampire, this would have been a great romance movie solely for the two’s chemistry with each other. Otherwise, this was halfway put together with whoever they could grab.

Visual/CGI: Alright, this is where I’m ripping this movie apart. The cinematography was horrible in most of the moments of action and chase sequences, almost as if the director[ess] decided to go with the Batman Begins aesthetic of the shaky cam. Also, the blurry movement setting apart Edward and James’s powerful leaps and bursts of speed are okay, but sometimes not as good in some parts. By far the worst use of on-set stage theatrics has to be during the film’s pivotal climax and a scene in the woods with Bella and Edward, the part where you could tell that they were on rails and wires instead. I’m sorry, but if I wanted to see that, i would see a B-movie.

I’m actually impressed that even on a somewhat decent budget, the film manages to still create the image of everyone almost to perfection or improvement, though I wouldn’t call them all perfect. There are some discontinuities here and there, but also some welcome additions to fill in the blanks for some of the characters. Yes, I’m actually praising the amount of effect put into the character costuming and a few of the designs more than the actual gaudy special effects used; though the makeup department may want to do something about Carlisle’s face. I never thought I would see the day that Mr. White from The Venture Bros. would see the light without the need of an umbrella.

Audio/FX: Before everyone says anything, I’m sticking to what I’ve said so far. that being said, the dialogue keeps in tune with the book; so don’t worry about the dialogue being off.

Also, the sounds are about as good as the sights, which isn’t saying much; so I’ll add that the sound quality for everyone is quite well done. The small bits of instrumentals set the tone for this teenage drama, though it is safe to say that it fits. Linkin Park’s song, Leave Out All The Rest, makes for a fitting end scene; and Paramore’s Decode works to end it all. Those two tracks can go on your iPod’s, ringtones for the fans.

Book Correlation: The fans will not be disappointed at all; but outsiders or non-readers will get lost very quickly amongst the laughter while also trying to wrap their heads around a different type of vampire. Either way, you’re still getting something of a movie here that stays as close as it can to the book. It’s hard to condense the book all into one feature-length film though… seriously, Hardwicke tried.

Overall: This movie was a role reversal for Spider-Man. I’VE GOT IT! Let’s see, Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson have now switched places, MJ being Bella and Parker being… Edward. They both have superpowers which allow them to be super strong, jump high and climb to high places whether it be in a forest or a city and both have a hot kiss with the girl they want. Stan Lee pops into the Spider-Man movies, who makes an appearance in Twilight? Stephanie Meyer herself. The major difference between the two is that the first Spider-Man had awesome effects for Spidey/Parker and there wasn’t a need for any gimmicky special effects, everything was well-paced and every plot came together nicely; but Twilight falls short in comparison to the special FX lights show to stick close to the romance rather than improve upon anything else that could help out the subplots and supporting roles. Human interaction was good, but other species need more work. We all can’t have that perfect launch for a series that Harry Potter, The Matrix and Spider-Man did so well for its fans and movie-goers alike.

Don’t worry! New Moon is on the way, hopefully with a higher budget so that I will never have to see Edward sparkle like he got a car wash at Claire’s in that goddamn sun ever again. I hear you can cure AIDS with money, why not this teen flick for everyone including its teenage female fan base and the rest of the world that have to deal with the teen angst? The sequel should be better, one can hope.

RATING:
4.9/10

Movie Picks for the Week of November 21st

2008-11-17T08:26:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone. I'd like to address the Bond fans a little bit about last week's pick and my upcoming review of the movie: I'm sorry, I'm somewhat indifferent to this film and it was a nice shot for a true Bond sequel; but this is why there were never any real Bond sequels. That being said, let's look at this weekend, shall we?

Twilight [PG-13]
Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli
All the girls are going to see this film for the eye candy, the story that was a best-seller amongst teenage girls (and some boys) and Edward Cullen. Based on the best-selling novel Twilight by Stephanie Meyer, the movie takes place in Phoenix, Arizona.... BAHAHAHA, I'm sorry McCainers, I meant Forks, Washington... where the highly introverted Bella Swan meets a guy named Edward, a male vampire with his own damn sparkles. Frenzy and craziness ensues when his mortal enemies are on the prowl for Bella; and he must protect her while saving himself. This highly anticipated film could flop or fly; but let's face it: Your girlfriends already have tickets booked.
Bolt [PG]
John Travolta, Miley Cyrus, Susie Essman, Malcolm McDowell
No, I'm not talking about Usain Bolt, but rather this dog who thinks its an action star even in real life when he has absolutely no super powers or dangerous missions to undertake. He gets shipped off and then gets to embark on an adventure with a cat and a hamster to get back to his owner, Penny. I just want to know how John Travolta is still getting work after Hairspray.
Special [R]
Michael Rapaport, Paul Blackthorne, Josh Peck, Robert Baker
Les Franken is your average guy who loves comics, but he himself is completely ordinary until he's given a new anti-depressant drug that gives him super powers. Being the typical nerd, he makes a superhero costume and becomes a crime fighter; and in typical evil villainy, the people who developed the drug fear bad publicity and have to stop the guy. Les sees them as his archnemesis "The Suits" who will use the drug to create an army of assassins hellbent on taking over the world. You can only imagine where this goes.

So there you have it. I'm banking on Twilight being the #1 in the box office this weekend since only the few families that see Bolt will most likely have that one teenage girl in the family watching the damn movie after she's read the novels three times through. Twinkle twinkle.

Mirror’s Edge – The Review

2008-11-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Rated T for Teen

Story: In a silent, oppressive future, all communications and actions are monitored to the point of zero privacy. Runners, messengers similar to the pony express of old, are sent on frequent missions to carry messages that can’t be tracked to and from different companies, people, organizations, etc. You are Faith, a courier with a price on her head and part of a conspiracy in which you have to clear your sister of a crime she didn’t commit.

Visuals: For a dank and dark future where everything’s under the government’s eye, everything looks gorgeous. The lush high rises and buildings all have intricacies about them that make a parkour-based first-person game all the more satisfying to the eyes of a game; and the graphics engine shows that. You don’t see Faith at all while controlling her, just various limbs, hands and feet; but you wouldn’t want anything in the way of all that amazing scenery, you know? The runner’s eye (hints/helpful platforms turn a deep shade of red) that gets utilized from time-to-time is essential at times for players that are confused during most points and the reaction focus mode that’s activated by a single button press makes everything practically cinematic both with slow motion and some monochromatic elements later on. The only downside is that you have absolutely no clue if you’re going to make a jump or landing without actually looking down with the right stick; but that just adds more challenge to the game.

The art style for the cutscenes and FMV is pretty cel-shaded comic goodness.

Audio/FX: No one’s going to get an award for voice acting, but be prepared for sensual immersion if you have a Dolby surround sound setup, because you will hear EVERYTHING. The wind going through your ears, the gunshots from behind you while you run, the thuds and hops you make when your feet hit the walls or the floor while sprinting, the clangs from the lead on pipes and even your [eventual and frequent] falls.

Control: The unique thing about the game is that it’s almost completely done on the shoulder buttons. For the PS3 iteration, the SIXAXIS controls make it easier/harder for rolling and balancing on pipes, adding more depth to the somewhat simplistic control scheme. The one thing that isn’t focused on is the combat system, which obviously needs work but also needs no mention since you’re practically running away from everything.

Wait, this isn’t Halo!? This game is innovative. It’s not a first-person shooter, but rather a first-person runner. You have to run, jump, slide and climb in the first person; and that will throw off some players who are used to FPS games. Still, it’s worth what you’re getting into. There are still moments when you carry a gun around, but they only slow your character down. the emphasis is put more into the free running aspect of the game and how well you solve puzzles with the different structures and obstacles in your way.

And if that’s not your forte or if you don’t like story, there’s always the race mode where you and your own time trial ghost race to the finish line in the fastest time possible without falling and losing time.

Overall: This game is like what Portal did for first-person shooters: A major leap in innovation and style while keeping the concept intact while turning it on its head. Few people will get frustrated or say “huh?” when looking at this game the first time, but it’s well worth the leap of faith. This is most certainly a rent, not too bad of a buy either. There’s some downloadable content on the way as well, so don’t rush to get it and then get rid of it just because you’re slower with a gun.

It’s got a great idea behind it, just a few little mini-slips here and there. Fortunately, the minor nitpicks are near-negligible. Just play the game and get ready for a face full of wind.

RATING:
8.8/10

Movie Pick for the Week of November 14th

2008-11-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! I’ve only got one this week for you, but you already know what it is.

Quantum of Solace [PG-13]
Daniel Craig, Mathieu Amalric, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench
You’ve seen the commercials, you’ve seen the advertising for the official game, you’ve seen Casino Royale; and now the first direct sequel to the smash hit of the Bond Franchise has Daniel Craig back in the saddle just minutes after the events of the first movie. This guy still has yet to find a medium place between being the suave and smooth customer that Remington Steel created and the hardcore brutal badass that Craig has brought to the table.

I’ve already put it out there. Now GO WATCH WHEN YOU CAN.

Movie Picks for the Week of October 31st

2008-10-30T11:19:00.001-07:00

Boo! I've got some goodies to keep you busy during the day before all hallows break loose over the next 24 hours; and these goodies aren't laced with LSD.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno [R]
Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Traci Lords, Jason Mewes
Okay, this movie has been long since coming from the deranged mind of Kevin Smith and that guy who was working hard with Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Superbad); and it's had to go through alot of red tape and legalities to get cut down to an R rating instead of NC-17. Seriously, that's crazy enough for it to warrant a looksee of what the finished product turned out to be after much editing; and it may make the Director's Cut a MUST-HAVE when it comes out on DVD/Blu-Ray months later. Until then, let's see two people make a porno for money.
RocknRolla [R]
Gerard Butler, Thandie Newton, Jeremy Piven, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges
Guy Ritchie returns to his roots with a balls-out London gangster flick with style and flair only seen previously in Snatch. Classic case of a deal-gone-wrong with a badtime crime boss and a Russian property dealer as money and a painting is stolen by two smalltime crooks and a crack-addicted pop star who was rumored to be dead. Craziness is guaranteed with assault and battery taken to an all-time high.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley [PG-13]
Chace Crawford, Annalynne McCord, Haley Bennett, Shannon Woodward
Ah the classic Carrie-esque movie. How perfect for Halloween after Saw V made me weep for the horro genre. This flick features our favorite Gossip Girls star Chace Crawford and Haley Bennett from The Riches who plays a teen who's not looking forward to her 18th birthday while having the worst hazing ever; and we're not talking about that time of the month, but rather the time of the LIFETIME. I only wonder how it will do considering most people will be out for halloween instead of in theaters.

So the nod goes to Zack and Miri Make a Porno, mostly because I'm a fan of Kevin Smith and his movies has yet to disappoint since Chasing Amy. In addition, it's a great segway into the night if seen in the late afternoon/evening. From CR!T!CAL STR!KE, have a happy halloween, folks!

Movie Picks for the Week of October 17th

2008-10-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Got a good lot for you this week as I pick three out of some pretty good ones for all comers; but nothing for the kids.

W [PG-13]
Josh Brolin, James Cromwell, Ellen Burstyn, Elizabeth Banks
This guy’s leaving office, but not without a movie made about him in what could be the real (really good) dramatic story of the President, not the dumbass of the pundits. I’m only waiting for the sequel starring Sam L. as Colin Powell and Lewis Black as Dick Cheney.
Sex Drive [R]
Josh Zuckerman, Amanda Crew, James Marsden, Clark Duke
Okay, three kids are off to meet someone that the virgin of the group met on the internet known as “Ms. Tasty”; and they steal the kid’s older brother’s vintage GTO Judge in order to ride down to Knoxville and get the girl before she loses interest. It has all the potential laughs waiting for it in this younger version of Road Trip, but will it work or suck like a badly coded MySpace page?
Max Payne [PG-13]
Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges
I really don’t know what to think here. The original video game was known for its dedication to noir, a deep and dark cop drama about a guy whose entire family was killed by junkies and he’s on a mad killing spree to find out who sent them. While the casting of Wahlberg is questionable, the rating for this is certainly a boner kill, and Mila Kunis might not be able to save this one, folks. Still, it’ll be worth seeing how much this film can push its PG-13 rating and wonder how much bullet-time we’ll see here.

And there you have it. I’m personally recommending Sex Drive for those looking for a laugh. Everyone else should play Max Payne THE GAME before going to see the movie, as it may be worth it to have the source material be something to stick to.

Movie Picks for the week of October 10th

2008-10-06T09:47:00.001-07:00

It's time to get serious, folks. Two thrillers, one major work. Let's go down the rec list:

The Express
Dennis Quaid, Omar Benson Miller, Rob Brown, Clancy Brown
This is the true story of Ernie Davis, the first black football player to win the Heisman trophy. Now, you know what to expect: Advesity amongst teammates, the media, whites, etc.; but the casting of Dennis Quaid and that guy from Take the Lead may make things somewhat interesting. If anything, it's more for the football players and their girlfriends to go out and see
Body of Lies
Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, Mark Strong, Golshifteh Farahani
Okay, since when did Leo get another goddamn serious role after The Departed??? I thought Scorcese's masterpiece was amazing, to say the very least; but now I'm legitimately interested in seeing how two established actors work on-screen with each other. It's another one of those terrorist organization movies with CIA conspiracy to boot, so I'm not really expecting much unless somehow, somewhere, Jason Bateman and Jamie Foxx suddenly show up from The Kingdom.
Quarantine
Jennifer Carpenter, Steve Harris, Johnathon Schaech, Columbus Short
Admittedly, the first preview I saw for it, I thought it was Cloverfield 2 or The Blair Withc Project REDUX from the shaky cam. Instead I'm surprised by the fact that it's a mix of both plus Resident Evil. Basic premise of the flick: Reporters go into an apartment complex with LAFD on the night shift, batshit crazy woman with virus attacks the crew, CDC rolls by and completely contains the entire area for quarantine, everything's cut-off, insert impending doom for everyone inside here. I only wonder how much shock factor will occur over the course of the film while not giving more than eight-fifty for a quick nap.

There you have it folks. Nothing too awesome yet a good mix of suspense and dramatics for Body of Lies, which gets the nod for the week. Perhaps next week will be the big action block most of us have been waiting on and most gamers have been dreading.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - The Review

2008-10-06T09:22:00.001-07:00

Rated R for nudity, language, drugs and adult content
Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Megan Fox, Danny Huston

Story: British publication editor Sidney Young is a brash, young upstart from England who gets a job offer at a magazine company by one of his oldest inspirations. The only problem is that his style is nonexistent, his quips are constant, his behavior incorrigible and if that weren't enough, he's an asshole. He meets a girl in a bar who ends up being one of his newest co-workers and then humorous calamity of his attempts to make it big without form or refinement begins.

Acting/Dialogue: While Pegg continues to bring his standard issue deadpanning and slapstick comic nature to the screen, it becomes old after a while. Both Dunst and Pegg seem to force some kind of chemistry between them and their characters, but nothing seems to come up positively. Megan Fox seems to dip in and out of the whole up&coming actress role, but that's to be expected. There aren't that many memorable quotes, but on the other hand the particularly slapstick comedic sequences are hilarious.

The movie has its moments, but they are far few and between from making this more comedy than memoirs of a man's struggles through Vanity Fair as Pegg plays his alter ego.

Visuals/CGI: Most of the setting is in New York, Hollywood and London; and many of the scenic elements outside of those locations seem as drab and boring as what Pegg is used to playing in. No CGI at all with the exception of the photoshop spot in the middle.

Audio/FX: Think MTV Music Awards mixed with silly instances 20's throwbacks and ridiculous 90's choices for some scenes that seem to match Pegg's character, but not the scenery for the first few scenes. Everything comes together a little later on with David Arnold at the helm of the orchestra, but don't expect a Bond-esque soundtrack.

Overall: It gives what the commercials say it gives, but there are some moments that are truly startling in the movie that most certainly couldn't bee shown on television and may offend anyone middlesexual. In addition, the characters seem dry and the comedy has its major spikes in most places, but like the series of calamitous events that occurs throughout the film, the movie just seems to fall flat halfway. It's good, but it doesn't go back to the source material very well, if at all; and nothing truly imaginative that the Office hasn't thought of doing if it were on HBO/Showtime.

RATING:
5.2/10

Movie Picks for the Week of September 26th

2008-09-22T09:31:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! This is a good week if you're looking for something dark (while in the dark in some places); and it's a weekend with some moderately anticipated films, with one big one from that guy that wrote that book that seemed fantastic. Let's go to the top three, shall we?

Eagle Eye [PG-13]
Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis
You get a phone call from some woman you've never met, seen or even heard of; and they don't give you any sort of introduction other than "the police are on their way and a SWAT team will burst in the door in ten seconds." Nobody knows why two strangers were picked up to do what seem to be life and death deciding tasks for some unknown agent; but if it makes for an interesting action flick based off the "Moprheus helps Neo escape" premise, then count me in. If Shia can give the same kind of performance he did in Transformers or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, then this kid can do some damage here for the good of our entertainment... or just flop.
Choke [R]
Sam Rockwell, Anjelica Huston, Kelly MacDonald, Brian William Henke
Chuck Palaniuk's other bestseller, Choke, finally sees the silver screen as Sam Rockwell plays the sex-addicted med-school dropout Victor Mancini, the guy who makes a living from choking in high-class restaurants while keeping his mom in a nursing home. It should be worth noting that this is a big screen adaption, so either it's going to be hilariously funny or too dry to swallow whole. Either or, it's well worth checking out for fans of the novel or if you just need a good comedy for the weekend.
Miracle at St. Anna [R]
Derek Luke, Michael Ealy, Laz Alonso, Omar Benson Miller
Well wouldn't you guess it: Another Spike Lee joint. This time, we have a WWII flick told from the perspective of four african-american soldiers as they do their damndest to keep a young italian boy alive, based on the original story by James McBride. The movie's a bit on the long side, which may turn off most people; but the message here is more than enough to keep some peole interested, right?

There you have it, guys and gals. I'm all for giving Choke a look-see in order to make up for that one time I got dragged to see Sex and the City in theaters and blatantly refused; so I think this will be just as good for me and bad for the women folk who are opposed to such.

Movie Picks for the week of September 19th

2008-09-18T09:13:00.001-07:00

Need something good to watch after a week with Ike? I've got a few good recommendations that you might like, even though the end of the month is looking to be quite nice.

Ghost Town [PG-13]
Ricky Gervais, Téa Leoni, Greg Kinnear, Billy Campbell
So a guy dies. He comes back to life, only now he can see ghosts everywhere he goes. Can that guy from the hit series The Office bring his trademark comedy and schtick to the big screen, or will it be as transparent as the people he sees?
Lakeview Terrace [PG-13]
Samuel L. Jackson, Patrick Wilson, Kerry Washington, Jay Hernandez
So here's what I think... There are some movies where even Samuel L. Jackson can't save them; and this may be one of those movies. When two interracial newlyweds move into his neighborhood, he's immediately put off by them even though he's a police officer (BIG SURPRISE!) and quite the nice guy to most people on the street. I would give more credit to this film if the film had an R rating and more snakes, but who knows what could happen?
My Best Friend's Girl [R]
Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, Jason Biggs, Alec Baldwin
Dane Cook is a douchebag. Jason Biggs is a nice guy. Kate Hudson is a charming girl. Alec Baldwin is.... Alec Baldwin. The only R rated comedy in this recommendation, this has the makings for something like Saving Silverman, but I have a bad feeling that it could end up like Chasing Amy in some weird respects. I never liked Chasing Amy to be honest. Really. This flick should do for anyone needing a comedy fix after a reasonably good Coen comedy from last week.

It's not completely a mixed bag, folks; but there are some movies here for people of different tastes, whether it be tasteful or tasteless. In either case, I'm quite even on all of these, no nods to either one even though they're practically the only ones I'd recommend.

Star Wars The Force Unleashed - The Review

2008-09-16T15:07:00.001-07:00

Rated T for Teen

Story: You are Darth Vader's secret apprentice, sent on a mission of mass destruction and chaos across the galaxy in hopes of ending the remains of the Jedi. This stays within the Star Wars canon by coming between Episodes III and IV (Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope, respectively); and is the first game done internally at Lucas Arts under the direction of George Lucas himself.

Visuals/FX: Now, I'm not going to lie, every single stage seen in this game looks truly phenomenal in detail and interactivity, the little bits and pieces here and there adding to the environment nicely. What's even better are the amount of elements of the areas that are destructible, though most of the stages are very linear and arenas aren't as expansive as you would think.

The usage of the Force doesn't really make it the Force "unleashed" per say, but rather the Force "used". Force Push looks amazing no matter how you use it and what it's used on with one of the game's three engines solely used for showing off the effects from it. Force lightning is a bit lacking, though the intended usage of the power is quite nifty in some situations. Force grip is what bothers me a little as it somewhat makes the game seem like Psi Ops with a lightsaber instead of a gun.

Audio/Dialogue: It's important to get every detail of the story perfect or else the fanboys will be pissed off to no end, especially during this part of the storyline where accuracy is key. That being said, the sound FX done by Lucas Arts are spot on and the voices match well with the sprites on screen; but unfortunately you won't hear neither a scratch or even a pin drop from John Williams.

Controls: I was quite surprised at the control scheme... the Force grip is controlled via triggers and the analog sticks, but you can't move the whole time you're in control (which I'm personally disappointed in simply because a sith should be badass like such), and two of the face buttons control lightning and push. Otherwise, the more you can button mash, the more combos you can actually use even with some directional movement or timing. There are some instances where quick-time button presses are needed (especially when slashing AT-ST's in half) but somewhat unnecessary, but are still flashy in ways that the force should have been seen as in the films. Still, you can't really do too much unless you level up everything, and it bothers me because you should be doing that from the get-go.

Canon? This won't disappoint in the story department, especially when it came to getting everything set up for the big leap to episode IV's iconic starship chase through the galaxy. I doubt that could have been screwed up under Lucas's lead. Still, it seems that the story could have been told a little more on the grandiose side rather than "this guy is a badass that no one messed with and he punted Jawas left and right like they were bango balls."

Overall: I've already said this is like Psi-Ops with lightsabers and stormtroopers. That shouldn't stop you from thoroughly enjoying the game as a game, as it's more or less story driven. The Force Unleashed has promise, but the execution is somewhat displeasing. I wanted a force push that could knock down a dinosaur from the other side of a planet, but knocking over a bunch of stormtroopers with one of them hanging on to another is pretty cool. I can never have too much fun throwing Ewoks. YES.

Rating:
7.5/10

Burn After Reading - The Review

2008-09-16T08:39:00.001-07:00

George Clooney, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton
Rated R for Sexual Situations, Nudity, Coarse Language, Blood, Violence

Story: A CIA agent's memoirs and bank account information kept on a CD gets misplaced and in the hands of two gym employees who want to sell it for ransom and, when that somewhat fails, proceeds to sell it on the black market in a sick and twisted get-rich-quick scheme.

Acting/Dialogue: The opening sequence alone is enough to get people laughing from the get go with Malkovich putting up a hilarious aliteration of F-bombs in his bit of frustration while everyone deadpans. The other characters have their little quirks, which then expound exponentially on-screen from the first five minutes they're on. Pitt dives back into his crazed days of Tyler Durden (Fight Club) at some points while McDormand and Clooney make up for the rest of the comic relief throughout the movie. Most of the dialogue coming from everyone is unique, from Malkovich and Swinton's crassness to McDormand and Clooney's upbeat yet neurotic babbling that puts everything into perspective when the two groups of people (the wealthy and the working) collide for insane amounts of hilarity. Even the smaller roles held together by Spider-man's J.K. Simmons and Michael Countryman leave their impression on you as much as the somewhat inventive props.

Visuals/CGI: There isn't that much of CGI used in the film outside of the opening and ending sequences. It's a straight up comedy with the usual city tones and nightlife, though there are exceptions at some points (namely the Pfarrer basement) that will have people busting out laughing; and it's those bits that have the Coen brothers up there.

Audio/FX: The music is very minimal, even though in the gym you can noticeably hear all the cheesy gym music you would expect (and possibly a few tunes from Pitt's iPod shuffle). The music cues, however, do lead into some pretty funny bits.

Why see this movie? At the 2008 Venice International Film festival, this movie was a well-talked opening night film; and the Coen brothers have been itching to do a dark-spy comedy since No Country for Old Men and Ladykillers. Who would've guessed that they would come out with something dry yet insanely funny with some truly unique characters each with their own insanities and problems delightfully coming together? I did. The subplot alone is worth its own outright movie as it makes for a good half of the hilarity; though some of the supporting cast outside of the big names on the docket with the exception of Swinton, Simmons and Countryman should have been cast a little better. Otherwise, good showing.

RATING:
7.9/10

Movie Picks for the Week of September 12th

2008-09-09T10:22:00.001-07:00

Hey guys! Not too much to be expecting from this week since last week's showing of Bangkok Dangerous looked to be yet another Nicholas Cage bomb; but let's look at this week's openers, shall we?

Burn After Reading [R]
George Clooney, John Malkovich, Frances McDormand, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton
This is a dark spy-comedy about a couple of gym employees that stumble upon a disc with information from the CIA as its contents. What comes next is exploitation on a massive scale and an intent to preserve national security so desperately, everyone involved in the Coen brothers' flick is sure to deliver. It looks to have that dull sense of humor that just might make you laugh on the inside.
Righteous Kill [R]
Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Curtis Jackson, Brian Dennehy, John Leguizamo
How the hell is John Leguizamo getting more and more work these days? The story has an interesting premise: Serial killer is out on the loose killing people who slip through the inner workings of the judicial system and gives them what they deserve, with a poem on each body justifying each death. Two cops ready to retire don't buy that one bit, so they are hot on the case. The cast itself is a good mix of well-established Academy and not-so-much well-received actors (Jackson and Leguizamo). Still, there's a thriller somewhere in here, let's hope it doesn't disappoint!
Towelhead [R, Limited showing]
Aaron Eckhart, Toni Collette, Maria Bello, Peter Macdissi, Summer Bishil
Interracial dating, coming into adolescence, racism on all sides and womanhood are all the central theme of life for 13 year-old Jasira, Arab-American girl in America. While life may seem depressing just from looking at her troubles from the seats of the theatre, it actually makes for a somewhat interesting yet ironically funny drama. Everything presented is bold and ballsy, but will the audience think so? Can this arab girl live in a culture where sex is just out there and women are free coming from a country where the rules are as strict than their dress code?

I may check out Burn After Reading if I'm given the chance to do so, but that's not to say that Towelhead is out either. Who knows? This week has a few things mediocre, nothing major to look forward to.

Movie Picks for the Week of August 29th

2008-08-27T10:48:00.001-07:00

Yeah so I've been quite busy lately. I apologize for the lack of updates but good news! I don't have school this fall... which means more movies to be reviewed! This week the comedy crowd gets a bit of an overload!

Hamlet 2 [R]
Steve Coogan, Catherine Keener, David Arquette, Amy Poehler, Elisabeth Shue
So, someone decided to make the aborted fetus of Shakespeare's Hamlet by making a sequel to the tragic story where everyone dies at the end of it... but a drama teacher about to lose his job is going to bring it to the masses with all sorts of twisted imagining and shocking wit as the play gets heat from the public; especially after his most recent attempts at recreating popular films with his own uniqueness. This won dozens upon dozens of awards at the Sundance Film Festival for best comedy from one of the South Park guys, but can it do well in the box office tonight and this weekend?
College [R]
Drake Bell, Andrew Caldwell, Kevin Covais
Think of this as the new school PCU, except instead of one high school senior being a part of the bigger picture throw in three high school seniors for the best weekend ever on a college campus, even though it has the potential for great disaster. The red band trailer for this looks quite funny, though I couldn't actually see myself sitting through it entirely without thinking, "when does everybody get laid!?"
Babylon A.D. [PG-13]
Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Melanie Thierry, Lambert Wilson, Mark Strong
Let's consider this: Vin Diesel plays a mercenary who has to escort someone from Eastern Europe to New York City in a post-apocalyptic future that's falling apart at the seems, and this is supposed to be based on the novel Babylon Babies by Maurice G. Dantec. What this looks like, to me, is a bastardization of Children of Men and The 6th Day, except 6th Day (like this movie) had a meathead trying to fix his own life, and Children of Men (unlike this movie) didn't suck. Not saying that this film is going to be horrible by any means other than the fact that it came AFTER Children of Men, but I refuse to give the third movie slot to Disaster Movie.

So there you have it folks. I'll be checking out Hamlet 2 and so should you all this evening and this weekend! I mean come on, ROCK ME SEXY JESUS!

Movie Picks for the Week of August 1st

2008-07-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody! Still reeling from the blockbuster of two weeks ago, The Dark Knight and need another action fix?? Well, I'm not gonna lie that's not coming for a while, but these three that I've got lined up for you may put up a fight!

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor [PG-13]
Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh
Now, correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't the Mummy finally killed in The Mummy Returns? Didn't Jet-Li say that Fearless would be his last flick? Where the hell is Rachel Weisz!? Who knows and who cares, history be damned in this movie helmed by xXx's Rob Cohen; and may this be praised for a glorified answer to the somewhat underrated Forbidden Kingdom. There is no mummy, no real mummies being killed; just a bunch of dead and undead stuff with dragons! Hell, why not get a cameo from Indiana Jones while we're at it so that maybe this film can wet your appetite for action and Brendan Fraser.
Kenny [Unrated]
Clayton Jacobson, Travis Golland, Chris Davis, Alf Scerri, Hayley Preusker
It's a hit in Australia and has probably the best premise for a movie with multiple awards in industry, critics and audience sections. A guy and his crews fix and install porta-loos everywhere and anywhere, bringing comedy and gross humor to the screen. It's hilarity bringing together a whole new form of crude humor in every possible way.
The Midnight Meat Train [R]
Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Vinnie Jones, Roger Bart, Peter Jacobson
A photographer gets his big break in an art gallery showcasing the dark side of humanity's nightlife and gets even deeper as he follows a serial killer called Mahogany with each of his crimes on a subway (the killer stalks late-night commuters), each murder becoming more gruesome by the evening. Normally I would frown on any sort of suspense/horror flick, however I grin excitedly whenever I hear the director heading this production: Japanese director Ryuhei Kitamura [Versus, Azumi], and the amount of craziness and gore that could be brought is exponentially heightened. Next stop... end of your life.

It's tough to give the nod to something mediocre [in comparison to The Dark Knight], but I'll have to go with The Midnight Meat Train. I've always been a fan of Kitamura's work since Versus, and I'm interested in seeing how he'll do with this bit of horror.

The Dark Knight - The Review

2008-07-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine
Rated PG-13 for Violence, Adult Language and Adult Content

Plot: The infamous Batman returns once more as a new District Attorney, Harvey Dent, is appointed to office and Wayne Enterprises is on the rise along with the criminals of the city. In the midst of all of the chaos on the streets, a new villain has emerged: The Joker. Hell-bent on seeing anarchy in the streets and madness amongst criminals and civilians alike, the sadistic psychopath decides to take on the big black bat.

Acting/Dialogue: Once again, Nolan takes it upon himself to make a film so grand and powerful, the actors on screen can barely seem to keep up. Bale seems to be a little more lackluster this time around, at least in comparison to his explosive performance in 2005's Batman Begins; he still embodies the billionaire playboy whenever on screen with anyone in his arms and the pinnacle of badass when in the suit. Unfortunately there is only so much you can do under the mask, which begs the question: Does Batman really need to act at all?

The supporting actors also did a good job with their respective roles, most notably Maggie Gyllenhall doing a better job with Rachel's character even though she is seen throughout the first half of the movie only. Also, the addition of Eckhart to the cast as Dent was a good choice, considering how commanding and powerful he was on-screen while doing good or the not-so-good; but I did become disappointed near the end where it seemed as though he had lost his initial thunder.

Many people wondered how the now-dead Heath Ledger would fit into the role of the Joker considering the amount of preparation, mental duress and method acting that went into his character. I'll be damned if he does not get a posthumous nomination for best villain ever portrayed or an Oscar nomination while dead, because I have never seen any performance like that from any other actor portraying such an iconic villain. The minute he appears on-screen, the more you wonder what deal he made with the devil to be so out-of-his-mind insane (his first two scenes alone make you wonder what possessed him); but he's an attention-grabber by character, maniacal and clever. The sick wit he brings to the table is wonderful.

Visuals/CGI: A major step-up from the previous film where only movie magic and special camera effects were seen with little CGI used. Now, in The Dark Knight, everything is bigger. The explosions are larger and less compressed (think large fireballs from a hospital), the scenes are longer and the imagery is bleaker as Gotham should be. The city itself doesn't have much color inside the city limits, the nights are purely dark and chilling, the different venues are more than just dimly-lit rooms with corroding bars and pipes.

In terms of CG, there's quite a bit used in this film; though not too much to make believe that it's thoroughly impossible for someone to think "this is totally comic bullshit!" Bat-technology has improved significantly since the last film, with new equipment (albeit explosive equipment) and the reinvented Bat Cycle, all of which showing the second-most badass part of being Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Audio/FX: It really depends on which venue you see it from. In IMAX, everything is bigger and explosions are more resolved and greater in sound; though it doesn't seem so from regular 35mm. Still, it shouldn't matter too much to the casual viewer. Every boom, smack, grab and punch is easily heard; and the dogs sound hungry every time they bark.

Comic Correlation: Every batman fan should note that there are some sequences in this film that pay homage to the classic Batman comics, especially in the beginning parts. Most Batman fans will be impressed by how much the story arcs are seen in the film, though many may get confused along the way considering all the action going on at once. All of the fans will be pleased with some of the subtleties added into the main plot, the transformation of Harvey Dent and the contrast to the original comics, including a special cameo in the beginning. For the first time viewer, however, you may go into the flick thinking it's for fans of Batman, but be happy to know there's actually a somewhat solid plot here, even though it will be hard to follow with everything going on like a constant climax (if that existed).

Why See This Movie? Well, to be honest and brief... IT'S THE MOTHERFUCKING BATMAN!

Overall: Everyone has doubts about there being a better Joker, especially with Jack Nicholson's claims when he played the Joker in the first Batman starring himself and Michael Keaton; but now with the next generation there needed a serious reboot after the god-awful Batman Forever and Batman and Robin (which even I think is complete and utter garbage too bad to be a tribute), and Bale/Ledger do their best work. The screen is lit up with fire, electricity and wave after wave of climatic conflicts each time they are in a scene with each other, a power struggle for the better acting between a well-established pretty boy gone dark and a pretty boy already flirting with the darkness. The movie is a bit long at 2 1/2 hours, and there are some bits that seem to bog down the film at some points; but those are minor nitpicks for what could be the best comic book movie that DC has to offer, at least an answer to Marvel's explosive blockbuster, Iron Man. In Nolan, we trust; in Bale, we watch; and in the memory of Ledger, we will watch more. GO SEE THIS IN IMAX.

RATING:
9.6/10

Movie Picks for the Week of July 18th

2008-07-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

This, my friends and fellow movie goers, is the epic weekend you've been waiting for.

The Dark Knight [PG-13]
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Michael Caine
With the exception of the heroine from the last film, the entire cast returns in the most anticipated movie of the summer season, the major blockbuster that everyone has been waiting for since Batman Begins and Heath Ledger's legendary final performance as the iconic joker. There's alot riding on this film, tons riding on Christian Bale and even more on Christopher Nolan after his last film shocked and amazed all viewers with how outstanding it was. Will it be enough to make the audience proud? I hope so.
Mamma Mia! [PG-13]
Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgard, Julie Walters
The musical that has swept the nation and captured our showtune-themed heartbeats in 8 languages is hitting the silver-screen with Meryl Streep leading a star-studded cast of more than capable actors in this ABBA inspired story of love and romance in a small greek island hotel. Can the magic be recreated?

I've only got two for you this time around, folks. Why? Because half of you will be going to see Mamma Mia, mainly the women and anyone who loves musicals. The other half will undoubted go see The Dark Knight. Hell, I don't even need to give a nod here, you're going to watch Bale and Ledger in the blockbuster of the summer that could knock the socks off of anything Marvel offered this season.

Movie Picks for the Week of July 4th

2008-06-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! My internet isn't being a bastard child of Spawn and failure, so now you're getting my picks for this week, with one good blockbuster coming after another it seems for this summer season.

Hancock [PG-13]
Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman, Eddie Marsan, Johnny Galecki
Superhero getting clowned on for collateral damage? Check. Drinking problem, sarcasm and outrageous amounts of humor not seen since Men in Black? Check. Good supporting cast? Check. The guy that turned down the role of Neo for The Matrix finally gets a chance to do "that superman thing" in this major motion picture depicting life as a less-than-loved superhero that doesn't have a problem with getting a little dirty and destructive to get the job done.
The Wackness [R]
Ben Kingsley, Josh Peck, Famke Janssen, Olivia Thirlby, Mary-Kate Olsen
So, a pot dealer with absolutely no social life and no future goes to see his therapist who also has no social life and a wife ready to leave him; and somehow they form a friendship on the basis that both of them aren't getting any. Why not make a film about it? I'd like to see how Sir Ben Kingsley performs in this romantic comedy and also see if Mary-Kate Olsen will actually be seen with meat on her bones (if she doesn't get cast as some love interest with an addiction to crack).
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl [G]
Abigail Breslin, Julia Ormond, Chris O'Donnell, Wallace Shawn, Joan Cusack
A period piece following the story of Kit Kittredge and how her happy childhood goes from hobo-housing rich to shit-in-the-brownies after a crime wave sweeps through her town, her father loses his job and she gets robbed right after writing an article concerning a "hobo jungle" in the Cincinnati area. It's up to her and her friends to get to the bottom of this... sounds like a good family film to me, really.

So there you have it. The nod from me goes straight to Hancock as it looks flashy, funny and freakishly amazing enough for anyone to like. It's about that time of the year, anyways, for Smith to have the flick of Independence Day box-office smashing potential; but will it have the same bang, or would Keanu Reeves have been better for this one too?

Wanted - The Review

2008-06-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Terence Stamp, Thomas Kretschmann, Common
Rated R for strong bloody violence throughout, pervasive language and some sexuality

Plot: Wesley Gibson works a dead end job in a dead end life of apathy. After he gets pushed aside by the mysterious Fox and gets attacked by a man named Cross, he's thrust into a world of assassins, learning their techniques and stylish killing maneuvers. Things have changed in his life; and he's got the Fraternity, led by a man named Sloan, to thank for opening his eyes and making him want to wake up the next morning.

Acting/Dialogue: Now we all know that there are three big names in this movie, one musical artist and a couple people we've seen time and time again in Lost or some other series I admittedly don't watch regularly. How the two make up for their shortcomings is beyond me as I saw no proof of it on their blank and apathetic faces and personalities. Common barely says much of anything.

Jolie puts up the usual bitch performance we've come to expect, but I wish she actually had more to offer in the looks department as that had little to no show during the film. Freeman, on the other hand, did a bang up job of being himself for once; and had some lines in the movie worth hearing out of his mouth time and time again. makes me think of the days when he was in Hard Rain. McAvoy puts up a surprisingly good performance for a drone gone homicidal, which I'm glad he's done in this movie.

Visuals/CGI: What I think was the selling point in the movie was the many things that could be done with ballistics and all matters of bullet physics, more or less how many times we can make a bullet look pretty up close and go through everything. I thought for a couple moments during the movie I was watching a Korn music video; but then I realized someone actually dies at the end of these bullets. I will say that this movie had a couple of badass moments and some truly spectaular things (namely an entire sequence inside the Fraternity's center of operations later in the film, about a few minutes from the end of the movie) that come about sparingly throughout the film.

The only problem I had was the usage of many of these moments. The major selling point of the film was overused to a fault. Much of the gunplay scenes were re-hashes of earlier sequences that had been done in the early parts of the movie, meaning they looked good in the beginning and looked as good if not with added polish. There seemed to be a lot of dead time between moments of action, which didn't help the movie too much. Somehow I wanted more "holy shit, that looks believable and awesome" instead of "okay, that's just cool."

Audio/FX: The sound pans alot during the moment, giving the audience a feel for where everything is coming from, whether it be bullets or flies. I don't think there was a purely quiet moment in the film, even though it supposedly had some. The few warping effects used were good in some parts, bad in others; plus the annoying heartbeat sound effect will get to you over time.

Hyped enough? I went into the movie with low expectations, even though I saw hundreds of commercials for it, some media on the net and a thing on MySpace. I had some things about it which made me leery; and unfortunately I was right after seeing the movie. I was disappointed not only in the action, but in the director for making some key plot points come too early, some parts happen too soon or late, even some choices of words for the actors. I'm not saying this is a horrible revision of The Matrix Reloaded, but let's be honest here: It tried to be The Matrix circa 1999 when this would have been amazing, and it missed.

Why See this Movie? First I'd like to say if you have any big expectations, lower them to the point of a rat going to peanut butter. The action in the trailers and the commercials are just about all you'll come to expect from this flick.

RATING: 7.3/10

Metal Gear Solid 4/Metal Gear Online - The Review

2008-06-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Rated M for Language, Violence, Gore

Plot: Liquid Ocelot has taken over the world's military power using its own nanomachine control systems against themselves, and is planning on an insurrection against society's controlling benefactors, The Patriots; and create a seemingly invincible army of soldiers assembled in what he calls "Outer Haven". Only one man can stop this guy from having his plan come to fruition, the infamous Solid Snake. Snake, unfortunately, has become old due to accelerated aging; but still has all that it takes to stop an entire army of man and machine from taking over (if not taking down) the free world of the near-future.

Hideo Kojima finally realized that the pinnacle series that put the Sony Playstation on the map has finally come to a close, the end of Solid Snake, if you will. In this opus, fan service and answers to nearly hundreds if not thousands of questions concerning the convoluted plot of the series will be answered, even though some questsions still get raised in the beginning and bombshells are dropped all over the place concerning key plot points, closure for certain characters and the fate of Solid Snake himself. Without spoiling anything, the review shall go on!

Visuals: Keeping to the style of MGS3, all of the characters look relatively the same with major upgrades in the facial textures and costume department, each person fully expressing themselves by their movements and surprisingly well-done facial expressions. The environments aren't all a bunch of shades of grey and brown, but rather lush and living with everything going on in all parts of the battlefield, let alone parts of the five massive areas that all seem to have at least one inch of it always moving independently from everything else. Explosions, gunfire, laserfire and even trembling and screen shaking look nice enough to be good and not over-the-top, the lighting is fantastic even without enhanced bloom effects; and everything seems spot on. All of this fully taking advantage of the PS3's cell processor.

Everything seems extra-crisp and vibrant while Snake sneaks around, with most of the levels having multiple ways of infiltrating a zone. From the get-go everything is destructible and interactive from barrels and walls to the militia and PMC soldiers themselves. Old snake doesn't seem to look too ragged, though as events carry out he does seem to show signs of it on his body and face.

There are frequent homages and throwbacks to previous games in the series, all while somewhat taking the same graphics engine from each of them at one particular point and during quicktime flashbacks during certain cutscenes.

Audio: Musical composer Harry Gregson-Williams (Enemy of the State, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Behind Enemy Lines, etc.) helms the orchestra for Snake's final mission and sets the mood for each locale, character and action sequence. There doesn't seem to be a moment where the action stops or when things are completely silent, not while there's constant gunfire and explosions everywhere at every turn; plus the ridiculousness of banter from everyone on the battlefield can be heard from anywhere from an earshot to half a mile away.

David Hayter takes the role of Old Snake as he did with Solid Snake in previous installments, further degrading the raspiness of his voice as the game progresses. In fact, practically everyone from the previous games who voiced their respective characters make a return one last time, along with new voice actors taking on the roles such as Drebin 893, a gun launderer, and Akiba, a bumbling member of Rat Patrol. Everything is crisp, including the music included on the in-game iPod... yes, you heard correctly, Snake goes around wearing an iPod with music that can be downloaded onto it from the web and from various places in the game.

Gameplay: Taking from MGS3, the camera gets a revamp for full view of the surroundings while Snake moves around, going from the traditional top-down view to a more-than-welcome third-person; and the intrusion view makes a return as well even though Snake's back is no longer pressed against a wall. While Snake is pressed, he can blend in with his surroundings using the newly introduced Octocamo, which allows his Muscle suit to blend in with the enviornment rendering him somewhat invisible to enemies, taking from the camouflage system and simplifying it tremendously. Sometimes it can seem like snake blends too well, even with enemies tripping over him when he's lying prone. Also brought over is the life gauge that refills itself as Snake stays knelt or lying down, though the new psyche gauge affects how well Snake aims, reloads and runs during battle situations. In some cases, Snake may have added stress during battle which can affect his performance, even combat highs where accuracy and reload times are peaked. While this is all good, the bad comes when he comes down from it all.

Also, Snake can move while in a crouched position, which poses some tactical advantage if not more stealthy. The aiming system gets a much needed overhaul, allowing snake to aim over his shoulder (which can be changed from side-to-side using the left analog stick) or switch to a vastly-improved first-person view. As Kojima mentioned, you can actually play the entire game in first person if you wanted to, though it's not highly recommended since you can easily get blindsided. In addition, battlefields are introduced as well. Snake can either sneak around undetected by both sides or work with one side to take down the other, reaping various rewards and backup when needed in tight situations.

New gadgetry includes Snake's Solid Eye (a throwback to a peripheral made for Metal Gear AC!D 2) which allows Snake to gather data about his enemies' health, affiliation, psyche, etc.; binoculars and night-vision. Also new is the Metal Gear Mk.II, Otacon's contribution to the cause, which can collect weapons off the battlefield and even stun enemies providing an extra tactical advantage to the game while keeping Snake away from any harm.

Most of the gameplay is standard fare for anyone who have played the previous games, though every level is quite vast and open. One little nitpick is the difficulty and the increasing linearity of the levels. Whereas the first two acts seem to be very open and sparse in terms of landscape and setting, from there on it gets to be a set track and deja vu for most people, fans especially. Hell, the second half of the game is only 3/4 playable. The redeeming quality is that the missions are all very diverse, each taking on different objectives and adding to the challenge of the game like staying in a costume for the duration of the level or just walking everywhere.

Controls: The staple controls of the series remain intact, however the new aiming controls take a while to get used to. Holding L1 puts you in aiming mode and R1 lets you fire your weapon, whereas otherwise you use standard CQC (Close quarters combat) maneuvers. It takes getting used to, but after a while it will become second nature.

The extra controls for use with the vehicles (yes, VEHICLES) aren't well thought of. Without spoiling anything, I'd have to say that most of the controls aren't explained without first pressing the select button.

The menu gets a revamp this time around, including a camera for Sunny (the kid that Otacon raises in his spare time to fill his Single Father Complex) and map of the area. The camouflage menu gets hauled along with the weapons and items. New to the menu is the Drebin Shop which allows you to buy weapons and ammunition from Drebin during the game using the points you earn from picking up PMC weapons. The shop gets integrated into the weapons and items menu after a certain point in the game, allowing you to fully customize most of your arsenal and buy some kickass hardware. Little Jacob be damned.

Multiplayer: The last time anyone was in the field online was MGS3: Subsistence, back when online play was heavily flawed and it was ridiculous to even have a fair game or a good connection. That is no longer an issue thanks to the much needed (and far more fun) MGO which takes the skills of all Snakes from around the world and pits them against each other, emphasizing teamwork utilizing the SOP system mentioned in the game to link up with your comrades on your team and monitor everything that happens with them or to them: Health, psyche, who needs help, who got shot, who died and where, what targets they're aiming at, etc. While most of it sounds good on paper, everything pales in comparison to the actual online experience. Along with the standard capture the flag, king of the hill and deathmatch missions comes the new Sneaking Missions which puts one player in control of Old Snake as he sneaks around trying to score dog tags off two teams of players sent out to kill him. He's armed with nothing but stun weapons and an assault rifle, Octocamo and the Metal Gear Mk.II; and he's still dangerous even online.

Theatrical Fan Service? Let's be honest. You've heard the rumors of the 90-minute cutscenes and the overdramatic action, and only one of them is true. Yes, there are lengthy cutscenes that take up more than an hour. Yes the action is over the top. It's alot better than what it used to be: A long-winded, drawn-out codec sequence lasting for over an hour with ten minutes being the bare minimum to advance the story, record being set by MGS2. As I mentioned earlier, everything is put to rest: The identity of the patriots, Meryl's real connection to Roy Campbell, the reason Drebin drinks Narc cola, what really happened to Big Boss and so much more. The difference is that everything is fleshed out in well-made cinematic sequences even George Lucas and Micheal Bay would drool over, which made these story-driving sequences entertaining instead of boring and drawn-out. The ending is quite possibly the best bit of closure to a franchise, period.

Overall:
As much as I'd love to give this one "Game of the Year", it has a few minor nitpicks about it that make me think of this more as a well-polished MGS3 set in the present times. If you've played the other games in the series from the get-go 20 years ago, be ready to celebrate as it fufills every single dream sequence and ultimate fan service that it can deliver. If you haven't, play the first three games in the MGS series to better understand the already convoluted plot; and thank Kojima you got to play one of his best games of all time. You're in for one hell of a show, one hell of a ride and surprises one-after-another in Solid Snake's swan song of explosive delight.

RATING: 9.8/10

Movie Picks for the Week of June 13th

2008-06-09T19:51:00.001-07:00

Another month, another Marvel blockbuster it seems as we get into another big weekend with a BIG opening act.

The Incredible HULK [PG-13]
Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, Tim Blake Nelson, Ty Burrell, William Hurt
Ang Lee screwed the franchise over once already; but now that Louis Leterrier is at the helm and Edward Norton taking the leading role from a no-name, I have faith it can only get better. From the trailers, it looks as if this film may be pretty awesome with an actual villain for the Hulk to pummel! Too bad it's PG-13.
The Happening [R]
Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Betty Buckley
M. Night Shyamalan, the hit or miss director and writer of Signs, The (abysmal) Village and Lady in the Water is finally stepping into the realm of thriller with his first R-rated film ever. The concept seems catchy enough: Apocalyptic virus outbreak renders people incapable of controlling their actions and kill themselves in the process. Will the audience hail him for his genius or will they become bored with the people dying from... boredom? We'll see if he has what it takes to be in the big leagues.
Baghead [R]
Steve Zissis, Ross Partridge, Greta Gerwig, Elise Muller
Alright, you are probably wondering why a comedy is in this block? Well, put four actors in a cabin for the summer to write out a screenplay for their film, add in a love triangle and a man with a bag over his head; and you've got a possible gut-buster in the works. The Duplass brothers, Jay and Mark, are relatively unknown, but not completely obscure.

My nod goes to The Incredible Hulk, only because he's too big to miss... now.

Movie Picks for the Week of June 6th

2008-06-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! Mr. STR!KE here with another week of movie picks for you and whoever loves comedy. Consider yourselves lucky as there is plenty of it for everyone of all ages and fancies.

You Don't Mess With the Zohan [PG-13] Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson, Lainie Kazan, Rob Schneider
Adam Sandler returns to the big screen as a Counter-Terrorist gone fabulous in what may be his most awesome comedy since box office gut-busters like The Waterboy and Happy Gilmore. The formula is still the same: Crazy shenanigans, exceedingly hot love interest, random Rob Schneider appearance; but the addition of crazy stunts and elaborate action sequences could make this film shine out of the bunch.
Kung Fu Panda [PG]
Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu, Ian McShane
Everyone's gotta love Jack Black (even after the lackluster Nacho Libre) so much that he's given the most massive voice actor role he's ever taken on... literally. Animals from their respective martial arts styles must come together to stop an evil leopard from being released from his prison in this martial arts comedy for the kids. For Disney's sake, who could go wrong with an ass-kicking Panda!?
The Promotion [R]
John C. Reilly, Seann William Scott, Jenna Fischer, Lili Taylor, Fred Armisen, Gil Bellows
I think I've seen this done before; by Dane Cook, Dax Shepard and Jessica Simpson in a faux Wal-Mart and the coveted Employee of the Month standing... who knows? Maybe the same formula can work with the guy who's known for [lack of] sexual inhibition and Dewey Cox.

There you have it folks, something for every crowd. I'll personally be reviewing You Don't Mess with the Zohan later this week.

Death Note - The Review

2008-05-21T21:47:00.001-07:00

Tatsuya Fujiwara, Kenichi Matsuyama, Asaka Seto, Shigeki Hosokawa, Erika Toda
Not Rated in American Theaters

Plot: Light Yagami is a college student who comes across a mysterious notebook while out for a stroll. The book has the words "Death Note" written on it, in which any person whose name is written in the notebook dies. The police catch on after several dozens of murders, calling in a specialist known only as "L" to hunt down the killer.

Dialogue/Acting: Fortunately for the sake of America, there was dubbing done by some of the original voice actors from the popular show Death Note on Cartoon Network. Still, the Japanese actors did as much as they could to portray their animated counterparts. Light still looked dark and L looked ridiculously silly, even with the quirks in the casting. Amane Misa could have been styled a little better, actually LOOKING the part instead of just acting bubbly.

The dubbing was decent at best, though from the very beginning it should be noted that the first few lines of the movie will make it sound like it is supposed to be rated R. Thankfully the dialogue and the dubbing make for an understandable and deep plot. The lacking of English subtitles for hiragana/kanji text, however, is a disappointment.

Visuals/CGI: Ryuk, the only Shinigami seen on-screen, is enjoyable to watch and the cast is nothing more than eye candy; yet they still don't seem quite right for live action. Sure there wasn't that much in terms of CGI but the camera angles had some suspenseful moments at awkward times.

Audio/Dubbing: Hey voice actors! How goes it? Good? Good. You'll recognize Light, Misa Misa, Ryuk and L from the series; but you'll completely miss out on Matsuda and Inspector Yagami though. In fact, we've got the entire cast of American voice actors doing everyone from the series.

Fan Service? Just letting you know now, if you have not seen any of the series, then you will only know about 3/4ths of what the hell's going on around here. It makes for a good story for a good movie, but it was treated like the Batman Begins and the upcoming Dragonball movie: There's a sequel. Thankfully, the sequel, Death Note 2: The Last Name is already out in Japan and basically closes the chapter on Death Note for all those people who just saw this movie. For everyone who has already seen the series backwards and forwards, then you're basically catching the beginning to the second Misa Misa is introduced into the story. No, this won't spoil the movie for you, but the fangirls sitting behind you might.

Why See This Movie? As you would expect from watching the series, it stays true to the main plot with a few subtle changes here and there by adding in minor characters with major roles. Plus, it must be noted that any fan of the series should watch, if not because it won't be on a small screen and for the behind-the-scenes documentary afterwards, but more or less to hear Ryuk say "You're in deep shit, Light." Deep shit but more good, just as planned. Fans will find loads to love about the movie, anyone else will laugh at Ryuk and L being the way they are; and Law and Order freaks will realize they're in a whole 'nother dimension.

RATING: 7.9/10

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The Review

2008-05-16T22:16:00.000-07:00

Ben Barnes, Georgie Henley, Skandar Keynes, William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Sergio Castellitto, Peter Dinklage
Rated PG for Fantasy Violence and Adult Content.

Plot/Story: The young Prince Caspian escapes certain death with the help of his professor and calls on the old kings and queens of Narnia for assistance in a coup against his Uncle, the new ruler of Telmarine after his "demise". Based on the C.S. Lewis novel.

Acting/Dialogue: What can you expect from a direct-to-movie adaptation from the book? Things seem right here: Epic tale, epic plot, epic movie... epic dialogue? I don't think so. Nothing but long-winded speeches and few quips, though there are some genuinely good things about having Ben Barnes say things heroic-like. As the only mature-yet-immature actor on the good side for the good fight, he puts up more of a show as eye candy rather than "badass" as he is supposed to become. Hell, EDMUND IS MORE BADASS NOW THAN BEFORE.

Visuals/CGI: The lush forests and environments seen in the previous Narnia are replaced with ruins and dilapidated castles, showing the age after 100(0) years that the kids left the world. Fortunately, everything seems to mesh well with the trees and shrubbery, not to mention all of the woodland creatures (let us not forget the badger and mice) seem to steal the thunder from our main cast of characters up until the second half of the movie.

Audio/FX: Think ambient, with plenty of strings, horns and drums in the background signaling major battles of the movie, all of three. I was honestly glad to hear the music done by Harry Gregson-Williams (who ironically is the voice of the squirrel), who had previously done the soundtrack for the Metal Gear Solid saga and Enemy of the State; and the music was well done.

Why See This Movie? For the girls, yes it is safe to watch. For the guys, yes it has some good fighting sequences. Barnes makes an attempt at acting but I can honestly say the movie was more or less his time to be the pretty boy and Edmund to shine on screen. This movie adaptation takes everything from the novel, but adds more awkward looks into the distance (and a couple into the camera). If you like eye candy, then it's okay. Just be ready for alot of it and then some, but not so much on the Azlan.

RATING: 7.7/10

Movie Picks for the Week of May 9th

2008-05-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Another anticipated blockbuster in the works, but will it top last weekend's smash hit, Iron Man? I've got what you may want to check out this weekend and it's more or less all crazy.

Speed Racer [PG] (Emile Hirsch, Christina Ricci, Matthew Fox, Susan Sarandon)
The Wachowski Brothers take on Japanese Animation to bring on their live-action adaptation of one of the genre's premiere anime series. Will Speed be able to shine on the silver screen with a 21st century facelift and crazy epilepsy induced visuals? Either it wins or loses, Racer X be damned.
What Happens in Vegas [PG-13] (Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Rob Corddry, Treat Williams)
Two people get hitched in a Vegas chapel and then win $3 million... and then regret it the next day when they have to STAY married to keep their winnings. I don't think a morning after pill could save this movie from being any cheesier considering Ashton's in the flick, though alot of hilarity can ensue. This gets the comedy nod for the week, but not for the month...
The Tracey Fragments [R] (Ellen Page, Ari Cohen, Maxwell McCabe-Lokos)
15-year old girl has a screwed up mind to the point where she's going through the urban jungle of the city (and her messed up state of mind) to find a guy who she thinks she's hypnotized to being a dog and chase after a guy who doesn't acknowledge her at all. It seems that Page is trying to work the high school drama schtick at least until she's 20, though it would be best to see this Catcher in the Rye inspired flick.

Now, just because I have a thing for bright lights and cars, I'm going to check out Speed Racer; but only to see how much the Matrix guys have either screwed it up or polished the unrefined racing anime. Hopefully it will appease the kids as much as the fans, all thirty of them.

IRON MAN - The Review

2008-05-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow
Rated PG-13 for Violence, Adult Content, Adult Language

Plot/Story: Tony Stark, a brilliant engineer and weapons manufacturer, the head of Stark Enterprises, has a run-in with the organization called the Ten Rings which opens his eyes to what his weapons are doing to the world at large. While captured, he gets an idea for a suit of armor that can use various weapons and such, which he uses to escape and return to his life with new resolve and responsibility... and a red and gold suit. Based on the Marvel Comics.

Acting/Dialogue: Many have questioned the decision of having Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, though I feel that he's a more than experienced actor for the job as he gives the silver screen a near-perfect depiction of the billionaire genius, being sarcastic and careless as usual. Terrence Howard gives a decent performance alongside Gweneth Paltrow who does a bang-up job as Pepper Potts, Jeff Bridges does a pretty good job being the shifty and complete douchebag Obediah Stain.

Most of the dialogue delivered by Downey is pretty damn funny as expected, coming quick and almost perfect every time. Hell, some of the time you would think the man was talking to someone else... which he does halfway into the flick as his house is almost completely automated. Honestly, I loved every bit of the script except for some little bits for plotline purposes, but still everyone did their bit even though Howard could have delivered a bit more to Rhodes than just a completely flat military weapons analyst. Seriously.

Visuals/CGI: Fantastic. The suit shines bright in the sky and inside the Stark compound, the rust/dirt is everywhere on the suit in the middle east, many of the initial test runs involving home video were pretty nifty (and humorous). I only wish that the HUD on every window in his home were possible without multiple projectors and plexiglass everywhere.

Most of the action sequences were pretty awesome as well, many of the moments involving the Iron Monger seemed pretty realistic in nature and the Iron Man suit Mk-3 looked pretty amazing even though it wasn't the comics' official Mk-3 suit. That's only a slight nitpick when it comes down to it though, as the suits looked very much amazing, clean and crisp. Well done, Industrial Light and Magic.

Audio/FX: Nothing really needs to be said here other than the explosive sounds and the gears on the suits and robots were pretty audible at some points in the movie. Of course, most of the dialogue was pretty poignant and not very choppy and ridiculous like some films. Everything was relevant.

Don't expect Black Sabbath or Audioslave to make any showing until the end, though you should expect ACDC in the beginning and an original soundtrack that sounded quite good.

Comic Correllation: There are dozens upon dozens of things that make this movie shine, though many of the key references will only make sense near the last thirty minutes of the movie for any fans of the comic book series. The only things I wish were in this movie was the inclusion of the Mandarin (his organization was referenced already) and a better allusion to a sequel outside of one line that Rhodes makes near the last big action sequence of the movie. Still, fans will be impressed beyond their expectations, though there will be the hardcore fan out there that will have something to say.

Why see this movie? Can you imagine a better comic book movie outside of Spider-Man or Batman Begins? I would love to nominate Iron Man as a top contender for that distinction as it gives the most fan-service to date for any Marvel Comics movie. Many parts of the movie will have the audience either clapping or laughing their head off, and hopefully you'll be making a contribution to that. Downey outshines practically everyone in the film with his quick humor (and an actually decent script), and it's about time an actor has stepped up a character like his so well. By the way, STAY AFTER THE CREDITS. You will be pleasantly surprised/shocked who makes a cameo appearance from the Ultimate Universe of Marvel Comics. Expect at the very least a sequel.

Stay up for this one, kids. You WILL enjoy this movie. I did, as a fanboy and as a movie-goer.

RATING: 9.6 (Out of 10)

Movie Picks for the Week of May 2nd

2008-04-27T19:25:00.001-07:00

Comic book fans rejoice. The week has finally come and the month of May is looking very exciting!

Iron Man [PG-13] (Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard)
It's finally here, the most hyped movie of the year with enough CGI and action to rival that of Spider-Man the first time around, only with more explosions and high flying action. It's not questionable that Downey was tapped for the role of Tony Stark, because the role seems to just mesh together with his natural personality. Still, can the man in the iron mask make the role believable? Will the comic book fan boys, along with the people going to see this movie, be impressed?
Red Belt [R] (Chiowetel Ejiofor, Tim Allen, Emily Mortimer)
A corrupted jiujitsu master steps into the octagon into a fixed fight after becoming blinded by hollywood's glitz and glamour, giving up his career to open up a dojo. A man with marital problems comes to him asking for help, which leads to his eventual return. This martial arts drama has potential of being another Million Dollar Baby, but we're not really asking all that much from Allen or Ejiofor.
Mister lonely [PG-13] (Diego Luna, Samantha Morton)
The world of Michael Jackson is beyond screwy, so how would it be for an impersonator? When a Marilyn Monroe look-alike invites this impersonator to a home chock-full of them, hilarity ensues. This comedy is beyond indie, even with the second storyline of flying nuns. What's not good about this?

Obviously, the nod goes to Iron Man. Seriously, it's FUCKING IRON MAN. BLAcK SABBATH SHOULD BE PLAYING IN YOUR HEAD WHENEVER YOU SAY THAT NAME OR YOU ARE NOT AMERICAN.

Metal Gear Online [Premiere β] - The Review

2008-04-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

Rated T for Descriptors, Crude Humor, Violence, Blood

Story: The private military corporations of the world are at war in 20XX, the world's in turmoil and a new weapon is being developed in Liquid Ocelot's base, Outer Haven. It's up to Solid Snake (now old Snake) to take out Ocelot before he activates the new weapon and mobilizes the world's largest military under the control of SOP.

Gameplay/Innovation: Before getting into anything else, let's just put this out there: This is only a beta for one of the most-anticipated online games on the PS3 outside of Warhawk. That being said, everything is amazing so far.

The game is set in the MGS4 universe with the same control scheme and graphics engine, fully utilizing the new SOP system which somewhat revolutionizes squad-based gameplay. From a simple button press near three other teammates, you can "link up" with your team and know exactly where they're aiming, who's locked onto them, who's knocked out, the projection of the bullet that killed them and their location at all times even if they are on other sides of the map. While it's great on its own, it's better when you can hack into another side's SOP and know the location of everyone else on the map... and take them out with the classic neck choke n' snap.

Drebin points, added for use by the PMC's, are gimmicky in the sense that how you play will determine what weapons you unlock during battle. While this is great for making the good killers better giving more incentive to killing sprees, it becomes harsh reality when you have to go back to the standard weapons available from the get-go and get sniped while in the middle of weapons micro-management.

And of course, there's the catapult. That's right, a human catapult used to launch players to hard to reach places on the map. It makes for great hilarity.

Control: The complicated yet extremely customizable control scheme takes some getting used to, though the more than welcome over-the-shoulder/FPS toggle is a major plus. Unfortunately, the button for firing and CQC are the same, and you HAVE to aim before you shoot (which kills blind-firing around corners). Still, the control sensitivity, lock-on speed and targeting are as good as in MGS3 Online. All you really need are shoulder buttons to play the game, really; and theoretically the entire multiplayer component COULD be played on an XBOX360 controller.

Graphics/Visuals: Think brown, gritty and dimly lit. It's out in the middle east somewhere and pretty dull-textured. Everyone's character has alot of customization in voice and outer appearance, though in the beta version there were only four faces with set shades available. Also, many of the weapons look the same cosmetically, though you can still tell the difference between a submachine gun and an assault rifle.

Audio/FX: Yep. You know that Harry Gregson-Williams had something to do with the music even with the two loops that are in MGO's beta, plus vets will recognize all of the sounds used in previous games. Pings usually signal head-shots and hacks, gruff sounds from the soldiers themselves and constant reloading/gun-toting will be frequent, plenty of shooting with different ammunition (because obviously, an M4 sounds different than an AK-17) and some yelling from flying soldiers will come often.

Real Innovation/Revolutionary Online Multiplayer? This game's got elements from COD4, Ghost Recon II Advanced Warfighter and MGS3; though you're still getting something while many of us, the lucky few in the beta, are playing for the next three weeks. The SOP system and added Drebin Points (a quicker application of COD4's perks system) set this game apart from other multiplayer shooters, but probably won't be enough to trample juggernauts COD4, Warhawk and Halo 3. Still, this is just a beta, though it's looking pretty damn good.

BETA RATING: 8.5/10

The Forbidden Kingdom - The Review

2008-04-19T09:46:00.001-07:00

Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Michael Angarano
Rated PG-13 for Violence and Adult Content

Story: A young boy stumbles across the staff of the Monkey King in a chinatown pawn shop and gets dropped into a world of Chinese fantasy, fighting alongside two of the land's greatest warriors and an orphan girl on a quest to return the staff and defeat the evil Jade Warlord.

Plot (in a nutshell): Think the Wizard of Oz meets Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon meets Alice in Wonderland.

Visuals: Not going to lie, there were many sequences that looked like they were taken straight out of Jet Li's Fearless (which I thought was going to be his LAST movie) and Jackie Chan's Who Am I, though the generic forest, mountain and temple settings seemed perfect for each fight sequence. Many of the places used to shoot appear beautiful lush landscapes, but when zoomed in close, you can't necessarily tell whether or not it's the real place or just a set.

Still, the top of the mountains looked cool!

Plus, there was TOO MUCH MAKEUP ON THE WARLORD. Seriously, do we really have to have a throwback to Big Trouble in Little China?

Sound/Dialogue: Sadly, this is where I started denying the existence of a good vocal coach for the non-American actors. Now, the random white guy in the mix makes sense, the Chinese girl in the movie makes sense, but Jackie Chan should not be telling stories nor should Jet Li speak at all... they should just stick with kicking ass and looking badass. I could barely understand either of the two, even with short and choppy dialogue that is the script.

I mean, really. There were SOME moments where I laughed but no moments where I cried or was sorely dissappointed.

Fighting/Chorography: I thought, from the get go, that a fight between Jackie Chan and Jet Li would be boring as they were limited to Chinese Martial Arts and only two styles. I was afraid it would turn into Fearless where it was "fight, fight, fight, social scene, fight, fight, long-winded-discovery-time, fight, fight, huge fight, dumb-dumb-sequence, demo ending." I was right, though I did like the two's initial fight sequence which was fan service in the making. The white guy eventually learns to fight and becomes somewhat decent (even though he does pull off one crazy kill move near the end of the movie which I won't mention), but otherwise he's there for dialogue. Chinese women fight was also good and well choreographed, but the big fights went to any sequence involving the Jade Warlord and the Monkey King (from the story's beginning) mostly because of the varied uses of the staff. Otherwise, it's passable for a movie which follows the motif of "Beat-ass, run, train the white boy, witch bitch, walking, repeat"

Good? Yes. Some people will say that they can't understand the actors, some will also make lousy debates about which martial artist is better, others will think the witch is extremely hot. Whatever category you fit into, it would be recommended to watch this movie if you're looking for something to fill in your action requirement of the month, or at least make up for War.

RATING: 7.2/10

Movie Picks for the week of April 18th

2008-04-14T20:37:00.001-07:00

I guess this would be the big weekend for most people. I know I'm quite psyched at what this weekend has to offer.

88 Minutes [R] (Al Pacino)
So, a guy's getting a phone call saying he has 88 minutes to live. Why does he have just 88 minutes? Why not a whole 90? Consider this a sequel to Colin Ferrell's Phone Booth and Cellular (minus the trashy acting and stars involved) and you may have a good movie on your hands. Suspenseful, dramatic, crazy? It may have been done before, but I'm pretty sure anything with Al Pacino as the main attraction has done well, with or without laughs.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall [R] (Jason Segel, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, Russell Brand, Bill Hader, Paul Rudd, Jack McBrayer, Jonah Hill)
So, the guys that brought us Knocked Up & The 40 Year Old Virgin are putting out yet another comedy. Maybe I'm being pessimistic for Jonah Hill but I have a feeling it won't be as funny as those two aforementioned films, but FUNNIER. The idea sounds good: Awkward comedy, far-off vacationing spot, raunchy humor expected... Your comedy for the week is here.
The Forbidden Kingdom [PG-13] (Jet Li, Jackie Chan)
So it's finally happened. A martial arts movie with the epic fighting seen only in House of Flying Daggers, The Medallion, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and God-knows-what-else; but this is a great movie because it's fan service in action: Jet Li and Jackie Chan in the same movie with (maybe) fights with and AGAINST each other! I don't know if Chan's age is going to show too much in comparison to Li, but who knows what could happen with fast action, ass kicking and a metric fuckton of potential awesomeness for this epic action movie. It'll be a nice reason to get the boys (& girls) together.

I'm giving my personal recommendation to Forgetting Sarah Marshall as it may have "Comedy of the Month" written all over it. Asskicking gets a shunted third to 88 Minutes as Al Pacino should be giving a great performance while looking like an older Tony Stark.

Movie Picks for the Week of March 21st

2008-03-21T09:31:00.001-07:00

Not too many interesting movies to see this week, so I'll just make it easier for you!

Drillbit Taylor [PG-13] (Owen Wilson, Dave Dorfman)
Trying to pick up on the high school comedy craze, Drillbit Taylor brings in Wilson as a budget bodyguard for three nerdy kids and eventually goes after one of their teachers (typical Owen Wilson movie since Shanghai Noon and Wedding Crashers). It gets the rec. as it will probably take comedy for the weekend over it's competition, Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns and The Hammer, but with Horton Hears a Who still doing moderately well in the box office, who knows what could happen.
Shutter [R] (Joshua Jackson, Rachael Taylor)
Before I say anything, did any other nostalgia gamers out there think of Fatal Frame when they saw the preview for this movie? Nope? Ok. This is yet another American adaptation of a Japanese horror movie, in which the protagonists see a ghost in their photos and another scary supernatural phenomena. It should be a good fix until the next Grudge movie.
Under the Same Moon [PG-13] (Adrian Alonso, Kate del Castillo, America Ferrera)
This Sundance Film Festival favorite shines bright and looks to be a contender for at least two awards. A young Mexican boy has to live with his grandmother as his mother lives in the U.S.; but after his grandmother dies, he must sneak across the border in search of his mother. This has magnificent potential as a drama, got a standing O at Sundance and gets my rec. Let's just hope it's more teary in execution rather than disappointment.

Your best bet would be the first and the third, as Drillbit Taylor will be the comedy for the weekend and Under the Same Moon will grab the attention of Academy Award judges.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl - The Review

2008-03-09T23:17:00.000-07:00

Rated T for Teen [Cartoon Violence, Mild Violence]

Story: All of your favorite characters from various Nintendo franchises (and then some) are back for another insane, frenetic fight to the finish free-for-all!

Visuals: A much needed step-up from the characters seen in Melee, the game seems to be focused more on the visceral experience and presentation of all the characters and stages, going over the top in practically everything; except speed. The action is noticeably slower from the get-go in comparison to SSB: Melee, but everything also seems to be smoother as well.

Gameplay: With feedback from the fans and players of the game, Nintendo has seemed to hit everything in terms of improvements to gameplay and additions for this highly-anticipated sequels. The most significant addition being the Final Smash, which can trigger a single-character's most devastating attack that ranges from an almost-automatic smash kill or a screen-filling attack that damages all on screen; which can (and will) change the flow of a match, decide it, or make things more interesting. Most of the Final Smashes are very spectacular, while others... not so much.

Also is the expanded 1-player adventure mode, the Subspace Emissary, which builds upon the lackluster adventure mode in Melee and expands it into a 6+ hour adventure with the potential of unlocking absolutely everything in the game without having to go through several battles with your friends (assuming you have three or more). While this is great that the adventure is complete with cut-scenes and some legitimate platform action, most of the characters just aren't made for it and the action seems too slow even with every dynamic character and enemy on-screen. Still, it's pretty good for a Kirby knock-off.

Nintendo Wi-fi integration is probably the biggest achievement for the developers as there seems to be little-to-no lag whatsoever with one-on-one matches and team battles, though there are some major hiccups when playing 4-players online. While you wait, you do get to play with the sandbag which is a nice touch to practice techniques before matches; but it could use some more work here which a patch or update could easily fix.

All of the main veterans have returned with fresh paint and updated costumes for their Wii counterparts, with some new faces joining the fight. Most of the new fighters (Wario, Pit, Zero Suit Samus, Snake, Sonic, Captain Olimar, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Ike, Pokemon Trainer) are more than welcome to the game and perfectly balanced as well as the hidden characters (who shall remain nameless for the lack/sake of secrecy) who fill up the game's roster to a whopping 39 characters which is unprecedented in any first-party Wii game.

Audio: Every track has had either their original composer or one of the 16+ composers behind the music digitally remastered and remixed for the game. From beatmania to Metroid Prime, each of the men and women that made the music have put their heart and soul in recreating the magic for long-time fans. The music WILL bring nostalgia to video game vets and Nintendo fanboys, each fitting to every stage in Brawl. New to Brawl is the ability to change the music for each stage, giving some control for once with numerous tracks per stage (with the exception of the original Melee stages).

Controls: The control scheme is a bit iffy, but thankfully the game is compatible with the Classic controller, the nunchuck AND the gamecube controller for Melee veterans. The gameplay mechanics have been tightened up a little, but overall it slows down the game to a comfortable speed and pace for casual and hardcore players alike. It's slower than melee, but not that slow.

Ultimate Fan-Service? In one word, YES. It's a beat 'em up, it's a game for all ages, it's pure fun for anyone on the planet Earth and the most anticipated title for every Wii owner period. This has Game of the Year potential, with the best music arrangements seen in a game since Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero, solid gameplay and an active fan-fiction inspired single player. It may not be as fast as its predecessor and online multiplayer may need some work; but it still outshines it like a fucking supernova. Get a Wii. Get this game. Find me online and we'll battle.

RATING: 9.8/10

Jumper - The Review

2008-02-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Rated PG-13 for Violence, Adult Content

Plot: A young man discovers that he can teleport from anywhere in space, from point to point. Unfortunately for him, he's also inadvertently become part of a war between Jumpers, those like him; and Paladins, those who hunt Jumpers and kill them because of their talents. After meeting his new friend Griffin and a run-in with a Paladin named Roland, the struggle to survive begins.

Acting: For starters, let's consider our main attractions. Hayden Christensen is a lackluster person who gives just as much of a performance as he did in Star Wars II & III, which means you shouldn't expect much except for eye candy. The supporting role Griffin, played by Jamie Bell, is exceptionally intense and I could probably hear the guy talk all day because of his heritage and heavy accented dialogue, being the superior Jumper and all. Samuel L. Jackson (Roland) gives all he's got as per usual, with the usual screaming and yelling as always, though don't count on him shouting "Zip now, motherfucker!" Anyone else in the movie doesn't seem to get any development, including Diane Lane who gets a cameo for about a minute until, uh oh! Action sequence!

Visuals/CGI: I'm not joking when I say the effects look pretty nice. This IS one of those movies that grabs the audience with its flashy computer graphics and cinematography, probably not on the level of any other sci-fi action flick but still quite awesome. The action's pretty frenetic and the action sequences look good but they come too late into the film as the first thirty minutes are nothing but exposition for the main character.

Why See This Movie? Well, to be honest, the movie isn't all that great. You shouldn't feel bad if you show up late to the movie, but you won't be disappointed once everything gets rolling (much like Hot Fuss only less funny... or good). Don't expect too much of an epic plot but do expect a thrill ride on the level of an episode of the Tomorrow People with more fight scenes. Still, Hayden Christensen couldn't save the movie from being mediocre, even if Sam L. does what he can to be the only badass motherfucker with an electrified tether rope and a knife.

RATING: 5.5/10

Picks for the week of February 22nd

2008-02-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

And now here are my top three picks for what you SHOULD see this weekend, as there are a good few movies that will tickle and only one that may be as suspensful as the previews make it.

Be Kind, Rewind (Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover, Mia Farrow)
This comedy gives the term "remake" literal meaning as two video store owners remake classics such as Robocop, Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and others using their own creativity to add to all of their blank library of videos in order to save their shop and keep their customers, inadvertedly attracting the attention of the entire city and the nation. It has the potential to be one of the best films Jack Black has done since School of Rock.
Charlie Bartlett (Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey, Jr., Hope Davis)
Your kid have a problem that you don't know about? Have them talk with Charlie Bartlett, a boarding school drop-out going to public school who acts as a mediator to the student body and his own shrink, prescriptions and all. Call him what you want, just don't refer to him as Ferris Beuller. He ain't that great, but good enough to be advertised since late last fall. Quite possibly a contender to beat out Oscar nominated Juno for most heartwarming high school film of the season.
Vantage Point (Matthew Fox, William Hurt, Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker)
The president has been shot in front of a live audience. Eight people got a clear view of what happened AND who could have possibly done it, which includes the secret service, several bystanders and (quite possibly) the shooter themselves. Think Inside Man mixed with Breach, only the main question is: Who's angle was the right one?

Personally, I'm leaning towards Be Kind, Rewind more for its hilarious concept and how they could screw up Tron.

Devil May Cry 4 Review

2008-02-10T16:10:00.001-08:00

Story/Plot: The Holy Knights of Fortuna are holding a ceremony of sorts to commemorate the creation of their Savior with beliefs based on the legend of Sparda the Demon Knight, when suddenly His Holiness is attacked by the infamous Dante of Devil May Cry fame. Nero, a young man with a demon's arm, is charged with the task of protecting Kyrie and hunting down Dante in an attempt to resolve the resulting turmoil that occurs. Stylish, over-the-top antics and demon extinguishing ensues as the gates to hell are blown wide open.

This follows the events after Devil May Cry II.

Gameplay: The game shines when it comes to extreme action in a horror genre that stemmed from Resident Evil roots with the addition of back flips and killer tricks, and this is no exception as the series goes into it's fourth installment.

The addition of the new protagonist, Nero, presents two new elements to the game: The Devil Bringer and the Exceed System. While Nero himself is a slight offshoot of Dante's ground fighting style with added aerial moves, but the two added systems brings in some welcome improvements and distinctions from the styles. The Devil Bringer allows players to tack on more powerful slam attacks and punishing blows (along with some extremely spectacular special moves in certain boss fights which become much better using the Devil Trigger) and quick snatching to pull enemies in quickly to keep stylish combos going without any moment of stopping. The Exceed system allows players to accelerate their combos while adding more damage and punishment, even improving staple attacks (which are named after casino card tricks and terms).

Dante, who is playable in the later half of the game, keeps his four signature styles found in Devil May Cry 3, which can now be accessed on the fly using the d-pad, allowing for quick-switching and even more insane combinations for players that are familiar with his play-style. Thankfully, he remains unchanged, though the weapons he carries are very much the same (with the exception of Pandora, a suitcase which can transform into a laser cannon, bazooka, minigun and rocket-launching sphere).

Everything about the game, whether it be the enemies, the bosses and the challenges, is fast-paced with little let-up. No surprise, Capcom.

Visuals: Everything in the game is gorgeous upon first glance, though it's hard to tell from all of the action going on. While the cut-scenes are very well made and stages are well-designed, there are still some elements where pixelation can be seen to a fault and most of the lighting effects could be better. Still, this is a great looking game, as much of it you can see.

The camera can sometimes prove to be more of your enemy in some instances as it tries its best to keep up with the fast and frenetic action happening all over the place, which plagued the game since it's first inception; but it's been fixed to some degree since Devil May Cry III.

Audio: Whether it be Nero's emotional banter, Agnus's nervous ticks, Dante's witty one-liners or the soudns of scarecrows, the game sounds like a winner. The soundtrack, a mix-up of classical organ with synthesized experimental music with hardore rock of Hypnojgia's "Shall Never Surrender" and "Lock and Load" serving for Nero and Dante's fighting themes, respectively; is left up to the player to decide if it's rocking or not. Either way, it's good for a game like this to have upbeat rock and no dull techno tracks (which are nowhere in this game).

Controls: Sure, we've seen insane combo videos where people have been seen juggling enemies in the air as Dante and Vergil in the previous installment, but sadly the control scheme hasn't been changed since then. It's still going to be complicated for beginners to get into the game's controls, but masters will be more than happy to grab hold of enemies and open up a massive can of whoop-ass.

Challenge: People cried in outrage in Devil May Cry II for it's insanely easy difficulty. People wept in despair over Devil May Cry III's insane difficulty and learning curve. Thankfully, it's slightly in the middle of the road here. It'll take around 10 hours to complete the first time through, for veterans it'll take 7 or less; though the bloody palace has been revamped for added difficulty and the more-than-insane Dante Must Die mode still remains one of the hardest levels for anyone to complete without a death wish (I literally died within five minutes of the first mission, basically the moment the tutorial ended).

Should you buy/rent this game? By all means, it is a game that Capcom has had in the making since its announcement, and by that time it had the makings of a brilliant title. The accomplishments are pretty easy to obtain and the ranking system is more than enough to keep fellow players challenging their friends to become better and better at the game. Get ready for some insanity in hell, folks, it's worth a buy.

Rating: 8.9/10

Meet The Spartans: The Review

2008-01-27T18:19:00.001-08:00

Meet the Spartans
Rated PG-13 for Comic Violence, Crude Sexual Content, Language

Normally I would love to give some well thought-out and unbiased criticism, but I can't take this movie seriously even for the directors of the original Scary Movies (as they also did Date Movie and Epic Movie, which both did horribly and were just as bad). This movie doesn't even deserve a legitimate review as I couldn't see anything good about the movie outside of cheap laughs and tiring jokes.

The cast, consisting of Method Man, Kevin Sorbo, Diedrich Bader (a DECENT comedian who I personally like), Carmen Electra and a few no-names and familiar faces, were all sub-par in this 300 spoof written for idiots and YouTube generation whores. There are SOME funny instances in the movie, but not enough to make the movie funny as it was advertised. I would have rather watched anything else on YouTube itself rather than the things borrowed from the site to be put into this movie with painfully bad execution.

If anyone should ever write spoofs, let's leave it to the masters: Mel Brooks, Dave Chapelle, my friend Todd, anyone other than these guys. Forget seeing this movie, forget this movie ever happened. Let's do what we did for White Chicks, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Scary Movie 4 and Gigli and call a mulligan.

RATING: 2.8/10

Cloverfield: The Review

2008-01-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

Rated PG-13 for Terror, Disturbing Images and Violence

Story: Robert Hawkins is about to leave Manhattan for a job in Japan, and his friends and associate throw him a surprise party which ends abruptly when the city is attacked by an unknown monster.

Visuals: This is where the movie both shines and fails miserably. The perspective of a simple handycam, which is probably the most durable camera with the best batteries in the history of camcorder technology, is both innovative and flawed. The interlaced CG effects which included the explosions, gunfire and the monster itself (which looked like the unimpressive bastard love-child of King Kong and Godzilla) were pretty impressive and quite a feat despite the constant shaking of the camera to simulate to a fault everything going around. The camera also made things difficult to see for he better part of the movie which can definitely cause motion sickness ranging from nauseating to curdling to contributing to the movie floor mess. Don't go into the movie with food or drink if you value your stomach.

Audio: The PG-13 rating was very hard on the actors when it came to what they could say in the disastrous situation. I was quite surprised not one person in the film dropped a single F-bomb, as I would probably be saying this every five words. That's just me, however; so that point is null and void. What was apparent was the amount of OTHER swear words that were in the dialogue. The sounds of the monster and everything in the ambience was quite well done, though it made certain parts very predictable yet surprising at the same time. Creepy crawlers STILL scare the hell out of people, these days. Gluck, gluck, gluck.

Plot: There was practically no plot apparent other than a massive party crashing, though hints of the origin of the monster and of all the events that unfolded were hinted at in the tape's minor bits in Coney Island (during the last few scenes, it's best to have wandering eyes); but otherwise the plot was pretty simple: Monster in Manhattan, run, run, run! Not the best plot but the most effective for a movie such as this.

Why see this movie? Well, you will most likely see it because J.J. Abrams, Mr. Lost and Alias produced this thing. You'll want to see the huge monster that everyone's been talking about since the beginning of Transformers and see what if the hype for it was really worth it. Some people will love this film for the theme park ride experience, others will hate it for the lack of character development and the shaky camera. Whatever the verdict, it's still one hell of a ride from start to finish, a thrill from the moment the monster hits to the minute the camera finally drops. This may win an award for innovative cinematography and film editing, but don't place your bets quite yet. There should be a warning of motion sickness for people of weak stomachs or over the age of 60; but for everyone else, get ready for the biggest motion simulator J.J.Abrams can bring to the silver screen.

Rating: 7.6 (out of 10)

CR!T!CAL STR!KE

Mortal Kombat

Sucker Punch

Rated PG-13 for thematic material involving sexuality, violence and combat sequences, and for language

Abbie Cornish, Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World–The Review

Inception – The Review

Despicable Me – The Review

The Last Airbender–The Review

Toy Story 3 – The Review

Prince of Persia – The Review

Iron Man 2 – The Review

Kick-Ass – The Review

Final Fantasy XIII – The Review

Rated T for Teen

Alice in Wonderland – The Review

Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Matt Lucas Rated PG

Heavy Rain – The Review

No More Heroes: Desperate Struggle – The Review

Rated M for Mature

Bayonetta – The Review

Ninja Assassin – The Review

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – The Review

Zombieland – The Review

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell – The Review

Angels and Demons – The Review

Rated PG-13 for violence, suggestive themes and disturbing imagery Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgård, Pierfrancesco Favino

X-Men Origins: Wolverine – The Review

Crank: High Voltage – The Review

Rated R for frenetic action, strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Clifton Collins, Efren Ramirez

Movie Picks for the Week of April 2nd

Movie Picks for the Week of March 20th

Movie Picks for the Week of March 13th

Watchmen - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of March 6th

Movie Picks for the Week of February 27th

Street Fighter IV - The Review

Friday the 13th – The Review

Rated R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, language and drug material Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti

Movie Picks for the Week of Friday the 13th

Coraline – The Review

Rated PG for thematic elements, scary images, some language and suggestive humor Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, and Ian McShane

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans – The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of January 16th

Movie Picks for the Week of December 26th

Movie Picks for the Week of December 19th

Movie Picks for the Week of December 12th

Movie Picks for December 5th

Movie Picks for the Week of November 26th

Twilight – The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of November 21st

Mirror’s Edge – The Review

Movie Pick for the Week of November 14th

Movie Picks for the Week of October 31st

Movie Picks for the Week of October 17th

Movie Picks for the week of October 10th

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of September 26th

Movie Picks for the week of September 19th

Star Wars The Force Unleashed - The Review

Burn After Reading - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of September 12th

Movie Picks for the Week of August 29th

Movie Picks for the Week of August 1st

The Dark Knight - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of July 18th

Movie Picks for the Week of July 4th

Wanted - The Review

Metal Gear Solid 4/Metal Gear Online - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of June 13th

Movie Picks for the Week of June 6th

Death Note - The Review

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of May 9th

IRON MAN - The Review

Movie Picks for the Week of May 2nd

Metal Gear Online [Premiere β] - The Review

The Forbidden Kingdom - The Review

Movie Picks for the week of April 18th

Movie Picks for the Week of March 21st

Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Matt Lucas
Rated PG

Rated PG-13 for violence, suggestive themes and disturbing imagery
Tom Hanks, Ayelet Zurer, Ewan McGregor, Stellan Skarsgård, Pierfrancesco Favino

Rated R for frenetic action, strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language
Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Clifton Collins, Efren Ramirez

Rated R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, language and drug material
Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti

Rated PG for thematic elements, scary images, some language and suggestive humor
Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, and Ian McShane